Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 13, 2025

Trump’s got Scrooge McDuck money privileges, Putin got a ceasefire threat that might just be a meme, and the Treasury Secretary’s still clinging to his stocks like a bad Tinder match. Congress is cosplaying as the Epstein Truth Squad, the VA is bleeding staff, Kristi Noem is beefing with South Park, Ivanka’s booking UFC on the White House lawn, and Detroit seniors are solving love triangles with live ammo.

Theo Jesterfield here, wading through cash vaults, cage fights, and bingo shootouts - all in a day’s work for America’s slow, stupid descent.

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