Zebra on the Run: Ed's Wild Escape, Airborne Rescue, and Helicopter Pursuit | Plus: Croc-Eating Komodo Dragons and Beatboxing Nuns!

This is your News You do not Need podcast.

Let me ask you a question: did you wake up this morning, look in the mirror, and think, “You know what’s missing from my day? A story about a zebra on the run, an airborne rescue, and a helicopter in hot pursuit?” No? Well, buckle up, because today’s tale will fill that oddly specific void.

Picture this: Ed the zebra, fresh to town and probably still adjusting to the lack of wild African savannahs, decided city life just wasn’t for him. Within a day of his grand arrival, Ed had already called it quits—hoofing it out on his own wild adventure. His caretakers? Frantic. The townspeople? Confused. Ed? Majestic, unbridled, and undoubtedly, deeply committed to living out every child’s dream of skipping school and being chased by a helicopter.

Yes, you heard right—the authorities, who have surely dealt with their share of unusual calls, found themselves plotting the logistics of capturing a rogue striped horse with a helicopter. I’d like to believe someone uttered the phrase, “Roger that, we have visual on the zebra, moving east at a brisk canter.” This is not, I repeat, not the kind of thing covered in law enforcement training. It’s also the kind of day that makes you glad to have gone into animal control rather than, say, accounting.

Ed’s gallop across town eventually ended not with a dramatic police chase—cue the slow-motion zebracam—but with a rescue that saw him airlifted back to safety. It was a scene somewhere between The Lion King and ER, with a healthy dash of “Did anyone get this on video?” sprinkled in for good measure. Townsfolk gawked, cell phones aloft, sharing Ed’s escapade with the internet, because if your city’s traffic is brought to a standstill by a zebra, it’s basically your civic duty to upload proof.

And yet, as wild as it sounds, Ed is hardly the only animal proving that city life can be a little too exciting. This week alone, a Komodo dragon at a zoo gobbled up a Croc shoe, leading to the rare occasion where the phrase “My shoe was eaten by a dinosaur” is a valid excuse for being late to work. Meanwhile, a paddleboarder in Florida had a close encounter with a giant manta ray, and nuns in Brazil went viral showing off their beatboxing skills. I suppose if Ed ever gets tired of running, he could reach out to those nuns and ask if they need a backup dancer—or a zebra who can really hoof it.

So in the grand tradition of news you never needed but now can’t forget, remember: somewhere out there, a zebra named Ed is probably planning his next great escape, helicopters are standing by, and your day will never be quite as interesting as the folks who had to explain to their boss, “Sorry I’m late, the zebra was loose again.”

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