TikTok's Latest Monstrosity: The Vegemite Latte Strikes Fear Into Coffee Lovers Everywhere

This is your News You do not Need podcast.

If you’re tuning in today expecting news you’ll need to survive the workday, you’re out of luck—but stick around anyway, because what I have might just be the weirdest thing you’ll hear, and frankly, you’ll never need to know it again. In the ever-competitive world of social media stunts and viral “can you believe this?” moments, the universe rarely disappoints. So here we are, halfway through July, and what’s blowing up the internet? Not a new tech launch or a scientific breakthrough—no, it’s an actual, honest-to-goodness crime of passion... involving a pastry. Hear me out.

This week—yes, essentially in the last 24 hours—a café somewhere on this spinning planet decided that humanity hasn’t gone far enough in its culinary crimes. After rainbow bagels, sushi burritos, and the year kombucha tried to replace actual personalities, we now have: the Vegemite Latte. That’s right, someone looked at Australia’s iconic salty, tar-like bread spread and a perfectly good cup of coffee, and decided to say, “let’s make people angry for sport.” You don’t need this information, but here it is anyway.

The Vegemite Latte, now serving up “peak rage bait” on Australian TikTok, is apparently made by plopping a large spoonful of Vegemite into a foam-topped latte... and then selling it to the unsuspecting public either as a dare or, worse, an honest new beverage trend. Initial reactions online suggest that this drink is best recommended as a prank, or a bonding experience for people who think they’ve already seen the worst of the world and want to be proven wrong.

Much like kale smoothies in 2013, or the time someone put activated charcoal in lemonade and tried to charge triple, the Vegemite Latte’s main accomplishment so far is inspiring online debates about whether any food innovation really needs to happen ever again. Early taste testers describe it as “saltier than the internet on a bad Monday,” with notes of “why would you do this” and “my childhood is crying.” The overall verdict is that it pairs best with a therapist’s number on speed-dial and a commemorative T-shirt that says “I Regretted Everything.” The café at the center of this brouhaha—a word I’m using with full awareness because it is both accurate and French, unlike Vegemite—claims they’re simply pushing boundaries and encouraging “conversation.” That’s code for: “please film yourself trying this so we can go viral.”

So, why do you absolutely not need to know any of this? Unless you’re planning to open your own pop-up with menu items like the Marmite Macchiato or Sriracha Scone, this is information that will take up brain space better reserved for your ATM pin or the name of your favorite cousin. Yet, it lives in your head now, as it does in mine. Such is the blessing and curse of 2025—where bizarre food mashups make news headlines, and the rest of us are left quietly crying into our sensible cups of plain black coffee, wondering where it all went wrong.

But hey, next time someone says you’re not up-to-date on current events, you can interrupt with: “Did you know someone just made a Vegemite Latte on purpose?” Watch their face—as the horror dawns, you’ll know you brought them something truly unnecessary. That’s my service for today. Don’t thank me now—wait until your next coffee run.

For more http://www.quietplease.ai


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