Selfie Sticks Spark Chaos: Europe's Tourist Revolts Reach Boiling Point!

This is your News You do not Need podcast.

Today I bring you news you have absolutely no practical use for—unless you’re planning to enter the Guinness Book of Records for “Most Daily Minutes Spent Wishing You Could Un-know Something.” Let’s take a whirlwind tour to the heart of Europe’s current crisis—not monetary, not military, but what can only be described as a relentless tourist traffic jam with the ambiance of LA’s 405, only everyone’s wearing visors and desperately clutching selfie sticks.

Picture it: Paris, August. You’re prepping your Instagram grid, lining up for a Mona Lisa selfie, and—surprise!—residents of Europe’s most iconic cities are now revolting, not against taxes or kings, but against boisterous, sunburnt crowds blocking their way to the nearest croissant. According to reports, we’re now in the era of “protests connected to tourism,” with locals in hotspots from Japan to France staging demonstrations, wielding picket signs proclaiming, I assume, “Give us back our sidewalks, and our patience.”

One particularly alarming scene: Some tourists travel all the way to the Louvre only to discover that negotiating the crowd for a glimpse of Mona Lisa is like participating in an extreme sport. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a ninety-minute existential crisis in a room the size of your grandma’s kitchen while fifty elbows threaten your phone’s fragile screen. "It’s like being stuck in LA traffic at rush hour," one tourist reports. I can only marvel at his optimism—at least in LA you’re usually in your car, not pressed chest-to-back in a sea of polyester t-shirts commemorating cities you’ll never truly see.

Residents, meanwhile, are fighting back. Some cities have begun campaigns to nudge tourists elsewhere, presumably to places with fewer priceless artifacts and more available toilet stalls. The merit in this plan is questionable—redirecting the world’s population from Paris to, say, a quiet corner of rural Bulgaria seems optimistic—but you have to respect the effort.

Here’s a tip the experts are handing out: to enjoy that dream summer trip, avoid the chaos by visiting tourist sites at dawn. Which is great advice, assuming your idea of vacation fun is watching the sun rise over an empty gift shop and bonding with a nice security guard named Philippe. Nothing says “holiday of a lifetime” like breakfast alone with the statues.

And we haven’t even touched on the new class of travel: selfie strategists. Forget travel agents—now you need someone who specializes in analyzing crowd-surge patterns so you can get the optimal angle of your ice cream in front of the Eiffel Tower. “Why are you going to Paris?” “Well, my selfie consultant said Friday at 6:13am offers the best light and lowest risk of accidental photo-bombing by amorous pigeons.”

So the next time someone asks you where’s the weirdest protest you’ve ever seen, you can say, “Well, in 2025, people actually took to the streets of their own cities demanding less tourism, more peace, and probably a city ordinance banning the selfie stick extension longer than a meter.” Is this headline news you needed? No. Will it change your life? Also no. But don’t blame me if next time you open Google Maps and see your favorite city tagged as a “high tension tourist protest zone.” Welcome to the future.

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