Rent-a-Scare: Japan's Bizarre Service for Resolving Disputes with Hired Intimidators

This is your News You do not Need podcast.

You ever find yourself scrolling through news headlines, thinking, “Human civilization has made it this far—surely nothing can surprise me now”? That’s when the universe hands you a headline so bizarre, so functionally unnecessary, you suddenly reevaluate your commitment to curiosity. Today’s journey into the unexpectedly surreal leads us right to Japan, where, apparently, you can now rent—wait for it—a “scary person” to help resolve your interpersonal disputes.

If you’ve ever dreamed of calling in a professional to instill some fear into your noisy upstairs neighbors or to finally collect that Tupperware your friend borrowed in 2018, congratulations, your oddly specific wish has materialized. A Japanese company, whose entire business model presumably started with the phrase “hear me out,” will provide you, for a reasonable fee, with a deeply intimidating human being. Not a mediator, not a lawyer—in fact, not even a person with conflict resolution skills. Just someone who is, for lack of a better term, scary.

The advertised service lists a variety of options. You can choose your level of intimidation. Want the “silent stare-down” package? Or perhaps the “mysterious looming” bundle? Apparently, there’s even a deluxe tier that includes slow, ominous circling. The fact that this makes the phrase “paid professional menacing” a legitimate line of work is something I simply wasn’t prepared for this week.

According to online reports, users of the service primarily hire their rented intimidators for things like “resolving personal disputes,” “debt collection,” or helping remind an ex that, yes, it really is over this time. There’s something uniquely modern about solving a problem not with words or logic, not even with technological wizardry, but with pure, distilled presence. I guess in the age of on-demand everything, why not add a dash of existential dread, à la carte?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: is this ethical, legal, or even physically possible without bursting into awkward laughter? Apparently, the “scary person” comes with strict boundaries—no touching, no violence, just a whole lot of standing around looking like they’ve listened to nothing but minor chord soundtracks and have a Ph.D. in glowering. The company says their actors are professionals, frequently called upon to help with everything from fallout with friends to disputes between lovers. Because nothing rekindles romance like the shared experience of mutually fearing your own living room.

Speaking of things you didn’t need to know but can never un-know, some enterprising souls online have already begun reviewing the service, rating intimidation on a scale from “mild unease” to “full body shivers.” There’s at least one report of someone trying to hire two scary people to face off in a test of who would blink first. So far, the company has declined to comment on potential for “Scary Person Showdowns”—but honestly, can the cable network deal be far behind?

All in all, humanity stands at an odd crossroads: we can watch rockets land themselves on barges, hold the sum of human knowledge in our pockets, and now, if things get tricky, we can just outsource fear itself. It feels like remarkable progress, or perhaps evidence we’re one step closer to all living in a very weird sitcom. Either way, you can rest easy knowing that, somewhere out there, someone’s job really is to look scary at a stranger’s request. If that doesn’t sum up modern life, I don’t know what does.

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