Aussie Teen YouTube Ban: Government Yeets Memes, Slime Tutorials & Cat Fails

This is your News You do not Need podcast.

Let me paint you a picture of a world where teenagers log out of YouTube, not because they want to—let’s be real, nobody willingly stops watching cat fail compilations—but because the Australian government has decided to ban anyone under 16 from having a YouTube account. That’s right, move over, bedtime curfews and broccoli mandates, because now the Land Down Under is leading the planet in protecting kids from... whatever it is that’s so truly terrifying about unboxing videos and makeup tutorials.

This news broke less than a day ago, and sure, some might say that with everything going on in the world, banning teens from YouTube feels about as urgent as making sure your socks match before a Zoom call. But Australia’s e-safety commissioner says enough is enough. The new rule lumps YouTube in with a growing list of restricted social media sites, because apparently TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat already weren’t challenging enough for bored teenagers to work around. Forget surfing, kids. It’s time to hack your grandma’s computer just to watch someone try 600 Warhead candies at once.

The rationale? Youth protection, of course. The noble aim is to shield unsuspecting 13-year-olds from internet dangers, digital drama, and, presumably, watching ten thousand Let’s Play Minecraft episodes when you’re supposed to be writing an essay on marsupial reproduction. YouTube, caught off guard, says it will start testing an AI age verification system in the U.S.—because what could possibly go wrong when you tell an algorithm to decide who’s mature enough to watch makeup hacks or improbable cooking disasters? Imagine the AI trying to discern if a person is 15 or a particularly exhausted 38-year-old.

Parents are said to be cautiously optimistic. Translation: “We’ll believe this works when our teen stops putting slime-making tutorials on the TV at 3AM.” Meanwhile, inventive Australian teenagers are almost certainly forming an underground exchange of “secret grown-up emails” and masterclasses in facial hair-drawing so they can pass virtual age checks.

And if you wondered how this might spark a global trend—well, U.S. lawmakers are reportedly watching with interest. If it works, maybe they’ll next try banning YouTube for anyone who says “yeet” unironically or who’s ever filmed themselves eating something spicy for clout. Until then, take a moment to salute the Australian teens, who, right now, are probably binge-watching “How to Get Around Internet Restrictions” videos—on YouTube, naturally.

So, if you woke up today thinking you might be missing out on earth-shaking developments, rest assured: a horde of Australian teenagers can now legally blame the government when they fail a group project because they couldn’t access DIY cardboard volcano instructions. And if you ever need to explain to your child why they have to read an actual book for homework reference, just say: “Sorry, mate, it’s the law.”

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