Pause with stillness

What happens when I stop filling every gap in the day?

Peace. Serenity. That's what happens. I'm completely fine with that. The trouble starts when I fill those gaps because of an urgency I feel.

I have so many ideas, which I get overly excited about. I don't know (despite having spent a lot of time thinking and journaling about this) why that urgency arises though. Maybe it's a work-ethic I've absorbed—this idea that I'm only worth the work that I do. That would certainly explain the urgency I feel when I'm idle.

The solution for me is to notice the urgency… and then to sit in that feeling and wait. How does it really feel? Where in my body do I feel that? Sitting in the feeling I can get a real handle on whether whatever-it-is is actually important. Almost always, it's not.

If I want to recall peace, serenity, pleasure, I think of myself on those lazy summer afternoons, with my chair tipped back against the wall, the book on my lap, and the pages softly turning. There may have been, at certain times in my life, higher pitches of ecstasy, vast moments of relief and triumph, but for quiet, peaceful happiness, there has never been anything to compare with it.

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