Deciding if you want kids with Merle Bombardieri

Should you have a baby? What if you want one, but circumstances are beyond your control? And how do you grieve when life doesn’t unfold the way you hoped?

In this deeply moving and pragmatic episode, hosts Bhavana Chilukuri and Erin Jensen speak with Merle Bombardieri, clinical social worker, therapist, and author of “The Baby Decision” and “Baby or Childfree?” For decades, Merle has guided people through one of the most life-shaping questions: whether to become a parent or embrace a fulfilling, childfree life.

This episode will speak to you if you are:

• Wrestling with whether to have children
• Coping with grief around infertility or circumstance
• Already childfree, but seeking peace and confidence in your choice
• Curious how to navigate the decision with a partner who feels differently

Merle brings both compassion and concrete exercises to help you uncover what you truly want for your life. This is an episode to bookmark, share, and maybe keep a tissue handy for. (Yes, Erin is back to “pretty crying.”)

In this episode

• 3:00 Merle’s personal journey of questioning motherhood in the 1970s and finding role models
• 7:15 Common fears people face when deciding whether or not to have children
• 10:15 How to think about regret and why ambivalence is a normal part of this decision
• 13:00 Why making peace with mortality can clarify what matters most
• 15:00 Exercises to separate your desires from family or societal expectations
• 17:00 Navigating grief when having a child isn’t possible, and how to hold both loss and hope
• 21:00 When partners aren’t on the same page
• 25:00 How to honor the path not taken
• 27:00 Support networks and organizations for the childfree-not-by-choice community
• 28:00 Practical exercises
• 33:00 Merle’s reminder that this decision is never just about babies, it’s about the life you want

Learn more about Merle Bombardieri

• For more about Merle and her writing, visit her website 
• Find Merle on Instagram 

If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who may be sitting with this question right now. And don’t forget to subscribe to Most Self-Improved and follow us on Instagram @mostselfimproved for more conversations about building your best, most authentic life.