Ep15 Musing with Mookie

Friendships are beautiful thing. Especially when they are true. I don’t know if my pessimism gets in the way of me determining if I have had any true friendships because none of them have remained steady. I’m the outsider in the friend groups. I could point to my chaotic upbringing and constant moving during the early years of my life. I know how to start friendships but its the enduring that is often lost.

Growing up in a large family and not experiencing the same level of freedom that others have had in their youth leads me to feeling like the elder or protector in the friend group. Living in this energy makes it hard to maintain friendships. Not because I necessarily want them to end but because a dynamic changes that challenges a view of who I am or what I will do to maintain it.

….In essence I stay too long.

Healing that part of me right at this time in my life is hard. I have to reinterpret what it is to be a friend. How can I show up as my authenticate self and not be afraid of the responses after living in a peculiar safety? Ima go back to saying whatever is on my mind. No more expectations. I don’t have as much energy as I did before to chase connections. I have to let them come to me.

How do you show up in your friendships? What is your friendship style? Are you living your authentic self?

Mookie Toujour💜