MO2H 5: Spurs

This week on Match of Two Halves we are joined by some more fans of the EPL, Faizal and Richard, and some more fans of fans of the EPL – their wives, Hana and Jenny. Our team of the week is Tottenham Hotspur, the team that Faizal has supported since boyhood. Or has he?

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“Harry Kane”

There’s something going on at White Hart Lane

Some kid scoring goals all over the place

Whipping up a media storm, I

I guess he’s done all right, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

He hits them in, like whoa, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

A new English hope that’s swept us off our feet

Like Wilshere or Carroll or Owen Hargreaves

That’s what Roy Hodgson is afraid of

That he might be overrated, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

I guess there’s no way to know, oh, oh-oh oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh oh-oh

Kaboul and Vertonghen, Walker, Dier, Rose

They’re like, pass it on to Mason

Chadli’s quick, away he goes

Outplaying defenders, it’s Eriksen again

Everything is fine, if

Playing as the striker is Harry Kane

Six months ago no-one knew his name

Who’s that over there? That’s Harry Kane

This is the weather report from White Hart Lane

Coming up ahead it’s a Harry Kane

If you’ve got Soldado

You’re better off with Harry Kane

Adebayor, no

Just leave him out, pick Harry Kane

Complete some passes, passes

Create some chances, chances

And don’t give up

Go all the way, go all the way

Kaboul and Vertonghen, Walker, Dier, Rose

They’re like, pass it on to Mason

Chadli’s quick, away he goes

Outplaying defenders, it’s Eriksen again

Everything is fine, if

Playing as the striker is Harry Kane

Six months ago no-one knew his name

Who’s that over there? That’s Harry Kane

This is the weather report from White Hart Lane

Coming up ahead it’s a Harry Kane

original song and music by Bridgit Mendler, Emanuel Kiriakou, Evan Bogart and Andrew Goldstein (“Hurricane”)

“Sweeper Keeper”

Sweeper Keeper, teams are gonna find you

Right where you belong

Not putting a foot wrong

You are Tottenham’s number one

Since displacing Friedel you’re top pick

When games are played you start them all

I know that you are tidy, French and quick

At coming out to grab the balls

Whoops I’m sorry that was accidental innuendo

I didn’t mean it in that way

I mean you just engage in good clean fun

And there’s no dirty play

You are the Sweeper Keeper, waiting in the area

Ready to take ’em on

‘Til the game is won

Feeling like a number one

Always looking tidy and austere

Handsome and somewhat guarded

Except in the Astaris Tripolis game last year

When you lost your cool and got red carded

But Spurs had already used up all their substitutions

So Harry Kane went into goal

What a disaster that was

Anyway, it’s done and on the whole

You are the Sweeper Keeper, teams are gonna find you

Right where you belong

Not putting a foot wrong

You are Tottenham’s number one

So you’ll be there, commanding in the box

Saving free kicks, blocking headers, stopping shots

And when defenders know you’re there

Just at the back

Your skills give them the freedom to attack

You are the Sweeper-per Keeper-per

What a stellar career

Keep on keeping on

Once the game’s begun

You are France’s numero un

original song and music by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus (“Super Trouper”)

“Regulators”

Regulators

we regulate any football competition

and corruption too

But you can only get so far with UEFA,

gotta do what we say even if you’re the FA!

REGULATORS!!! Of the WORLD CUP!

Clear back in December, two thousand and ten

Sepp B and the committee were voting again

On the hosts for the 2022 World Cup

just countin all the bribes, addin them up

Hit up the UK, saying “make me a knight?”

“No? I’ll take cash then, that’s all right.”

But they didn’t pay up so we shot them down

All you fools know what makes the World Cup go around

So I listened to my heart – I mean, to the Qataris

some brothas with a credit card who said “Let’s charge this”

I gave them the nod and opened up the doors

some brothas wrote a cheque so I said “I’m yours.”

A World Cup in the desert will be dry and hot

But watch out fans who like to drink a lot

Dontcha know drinkin beer will get you thrown in jail

So will getting hot and heavy with another male

It makes no sense, it’s too much radiation

Can you believe they don’t have a football stadium

They say it’s being built but the slaves on it are dying

Look Sepp Blatter at what you were buying

They got money in their pockets, crooked guys all

And why should they even be in charge of football?

These guys weren’t ever players, they’re just greedy clowns

We should boycott the World Cup just to bring them down

They got unchecked power

They think they sent from above

I can’t believe this happenin to the game we love

If they all got sacked

let me just dream

Get rid of bin Hammam and this corrupted regime

Four were charged and two suspended

Jack Warner’s career was finally ended

he revealed the bribery it’s a tad bit late

No external enquiry’s allowed to regulate

Garcia laid the facts bare, they were covered up again

It’s so obviously corrupted it just seems insane

The bids were for the summer, as was always said

But now apparently it’s gonna be at Christmas instead

Now FIFA moved the goalposts

and that’s a known fact

process hijacked, it’s gone way off track

back up back up cause it’s on

FIFA and the

Executive Committee

Everyone knows they should have agreed

To goal line technology

Sepp Blatter and FIFA

Said “Just let it be.”

It only makes sense when you understand

and say “ooo I realise”

Their rationale isn’t rational

They’ll agree when they’re paid by Hawkeye

They’ve got a minimum price and no other consideration

The  Fédération Internationale de Football Association

I’m learning

into a whole new governance structure

FIFA

say “suck this, I dare ya”

CHEATS

to a whole new degree

the rules is the game and the game is the money

Beautiful

Game

We love

Personal Gain

FIFA

where we live by the rules

and the rules provide our living

If everyone knows

you don’t wanna join in with this

It’s the World Cup Qatar

cheapened with a gangsta twist

if you play by the rules

then you lose out in this game

cause FIFA are crooks

And there’s no one else to regulate

original song and music by Nate Dogg, Warren G (“Regulate”)