MO2H 3: Manchester United

Episode 3 takes us to the third-placed team in the EPL – the team of our hearts, Manchester United!

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Featuring more songs, more jokes, more speculation and a match day report from Old Trafford, as well as the answer to last week’s football trivia question.

To sing along with us, click on “Continue Reading” for the lyrics.

“Big Sam’s West Ham”

Anybody who is anybody knows at Upton Park

Big Sam’s West Ham are long-balling

If you think when they advance, it’s all down to chance, you won’t be wide of the mark

Unlike Big Sam’s West Ham – long-balling

They like Route One, so they scoot on

Just like Wimbledon do

Big Sam’s quite simple, he says “Give it the old one-two,

Lump it long, boys

Pass it on, boys

I could write you a dossier

Van Gaal’s a statistician

But I am a tactician

Sophisticated magician of the game were playing here.”

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, ooh da da da da

You know Sam once said

He was a sort of wonderkid

And he should be managing

A team like Real Madrid

Van Gaal’s insulted

That’s resulted

In a little bit of a spt

He said “Big Sam was wrong, and I’ll prove it with some stats.

We play with class

Not long ball, but long pass

So kiss my twitchy ass…

There is a difference

Long ball is your convention

We pass with intention

Just thought it worth a mention to the press assembled here.”

But anybody who watched the game knows that

Both Van Gaal’s Man U

And Big Sam’s West Ham

Were long-balling.

original song and music by Paul Williams (“Big Sam’s Grand Slam”)

“Moyes Way”

Regrets, I’ve had a few

But every one seemed worth a mention

Every wrong move, every mis-step

Each one received so much press attention

When I was sacked, the news was leaked

It didn’t happen in a nice way

But all I can say is this:

I did it Moyes Way

So where did it go wrong?

From champions to abject surrender

Was it my tactics? I lost the dressing room

When I pissed off all my defenders

But I had no galacticos

All I could buy was Fellaini

I even took the blame for this –

They said “It’s Moyes’ Way.”

The Chosen One, the fans would shout

Just nine months on, it was: “Moyes Out”

I took it all, I took the flak

And then they stabbed me in the back

That vitriol, I took it all

I did it…Moyes Way

original song and music by Paul Anka, Claude Francois and Jacques Revaux, performed by Frank Sinatra (“My Way”)

“Januzaj”

Januzaj, all our hopes for your were super high

You were a speedy and a skilful guy

We believed in you, oh Januzaj

Cleverley, you’re not half the player we thought you’d be

Now you’re at Villa temporarily

Make it permanent, oh Cleverley

Welbeck had to go

Wasn’t good enough to stay

Falling over when you’ve got a chance in front of goal

Doesn’t mean that you should play

But Januzaj, you’re better than those other guys

Perhaps you’ll get another try

We still believe in Januzaj

original song and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney (“Yesterday”)