14. Defensiveness

Defensiveness is another communication choice that degrades Our connection with our partner.

Defensiveness is refusing responsibility for our actions:

by making

• excuses,


• blaming, or


• denying.

We feel overwhelmed by critical feedback. We go into defence mode.

Rather than hearing the other person’s concern, defensiveness deflects or reverses blame,

This makes it harder to resolve issues.

It is a natural inclination to defend, particularly when we are blind-sided by some heavy, critical feedback.

Take Care.