What It Felt Like to Hand a Child Back — Reunification or Goodbye

I stood in the doorway as the caseworker buckled her into the car seat.

Her favorite stuffed animal was clutched in his hand.

She didn’t cry. I did — later.

I had prepared for this moment, at least I thought I had.

But there is no emotional training for what it feels like to love a child deeply…

and then let them go.

Reunification is right — when it’s safe and healthy.

But that doesn’t make it easy.

You grieve like you lost something that was never yours to keep.

Because in some strange, sacred way… they were.

The silence in our home that night was loud.

Toys untouched. His toothbrush still in the holder.

And a weight on my chest I couldn’t explain.

I remember whispering to God, “Was it worth it?”

And in my spirit, I heard, “Yes — because you loved him like I do. Without conditions. Without ownership.”

This is the cost of standing in the gap:

You become a bridge, not a destination.

And sometimes, the most faithful thing you’ll ever do… is let go.