A Holiday or Birthday That Felt Different — and Why

It was his birthday.

We baked the cake, wrapped the gifts, decorated the kitchen.

But when he came downstairs, he looked overwhelmed.

Not excited — anxious.

I didn’t get it at first.

But later, I learned birthdays were traumatic for him.

They reminded him of what he didn’t have.

Who didn’t call.

Who didn’t show up.

The family that was supposed to be there… and wasn’t.

We celebrated gently that year.

We gave space. We let him lead.

And that’s when I realized — holidays in foster care aren’t always joyful.

Sometimes they surface grief that kids can’t name yet.

Sometimes they hurt more than they help.

Now, we go slower.

We ask instead of assume.

We make new traditions — ones that heal, not just entertain.

Because what matters isn’t the Pinterest-perfect celebration…

It’s creating a memory that says, “You belong — even here.”