1. EachPod

1417 || resisting DARVO + how to change minds

Author
Julie Merica
Published
Sun 13 Apr 2025
Episode Link
https://shows.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed/episodes/1417-resisting-darvo-how-to-change-minds

Megan Phelp’s 4 rules for productively engaging with people who you disagree with:

  • Don’t assume bad intent but instead, assume good or neutral intent.
  • Ask questions: This signals that the person is being heard, and they also feel safer to ask questions in return.
  • Stay calm: "right" doesn’t justify "rude". Pause, step away, use a digital buffer for social media exchanges, and then come back.
  • Make the argument: don’t assume the value of your position should be obvious; it isn’t to others. If we want them to change, make the case for it.


DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim + Offender - Aggressive avoidance of accountability

SEP: Somebody Else's Problem - Passive avoidance of accountability


Tips for talking to people you disagree with: https://ideas.ted.com/4-tips-for-talking-to-people-you-disagree-with/

DARVO wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

SEP wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somebody_else%27s_problem


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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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