42: Stuck in the Doghouse? Here’s How to Get Out—and Stay Out

Author: Ellen Dorian
Published: Thu 13 Feb 2025
Episode Link: https://makemorelove.show

SUMMARY:

If you didn't listen to last week's Valentine’s Day Special—or you listened but didn’t take action—there’s a chance you’re going to be in the doghouse. And if that’s the case, you’re going to need a plan to get out.

In this episode, Ellen breaks down what the doghouse really is (hint: it’s not just about being in trouble), why it happens, how to recognize the warning signs, and, most importantly, how to get out and stay out—for good.

You’ll meet Bill, a VIP client who found himself in the doghouse without a clue. And, you’ll learn how to prevent disconnection, build stronger communication, so you can retire the doghouse dynamic from your relationship permanently.

Part 1: What Is the Doghouse and Why Does It Happen?

The doghouse isn’t just about being in trouble—it’s an emotional space where one partner withdraws due to unmet expectations, unresolved frustrations, or a perceived lack of priority.
How disconnection builds over time and why it can sneak up on high-performing men who are laser-focused on their careers.
The "Friend Test" analogy: How relationship withdrawal mirrors friendships that fade when effort isn’t reciprocated.

Part 2: Case Study—Bill’s Story

Bill, a VIP Client, shares his frustration about constantly ending up in the doghouse without knowing why.
A deep dive into Bill’s missed bids for connection: an overlooked vacation plan and neglected smoke detector batteries—small actions that sent unintended messages to his wife.
The realization: It’s often not about what you did, but what you didn’t do.

Part 3: How to Get Out—and Stay Out—of the Doghouse

Ellen helps Bill align his actions with his intentions, track his commitments, and initiate a direct conversation to eliminate the doghouse dynamic.
She lays out five actionable strategies to avoid disconnection and build a stronger relationship:

1) Recognize and respond to bids for connection.

2) Acknowledge and fulfilled promises.

3) Take immediate action on something small.

4) Open the conversation about the doghouse.

5) Establish regular check-ins.

Key Takeaways:

The doghouse isn’t a punishment—it’s a sign of disconnection.
Small, repeated disappointments add up and push your partner to withdraw.
The way out isn’t grand gestures—it’s consistent, meaningful action and open communication.
You can’t fix what you don’t see, so learning to recognize your partner’s needs and following through is key to keeping your relationship strong.

Closing Thoughts:

So, as we wrap up this episode, ask yourself:

What’s one small thing I can do today to reconnect with my partner?
Where have I been missing bids for connection—and how can I start noticing them?
How can I be more intentional about following through on my commitments?

The doghouse isn’t just about being "in trouble"—it’s about disconnection. It happens when small disappointments, forgotten promises, and missed bids for connection pile up over time. If you’re in the doghouse, it probably didn’t happen overnight, and it won’t go away on its own. But you have the power to change it.

You can’t read your partner’s mind, but you can show up consistently, pay attention, and follow through on the things that matter to them.

Relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about making each other feel seen, heard, valued and loved.

Call to Action:

If you're stuck the doghouse, you don’t have to stay there. Book a free Relationship Reset Call with Ellen at relationshipresetcall.com. In just 15 minutes, you’ll get clear on what’s going on in your relationship and walk away with one or two actionable steps to start making real progress.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email.

Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

And if you found this episode helpful, help us spread the word—hit subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend who might need it.

All links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian

Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations.