46. Teaching My Children How to Lie: Finding Safety After Leaving

I didn't realize while I was in it, that I was in an abusive relationship and I had learned to lie my way through the relationship.  Through the lies, I had found where I was safe. 
But I was lying. I was lying to him and I was lying to myself all the time. It became so common and so much a part of my life that I didn't realize every time I came up with a lie. I even lied to cover his ass.  I lied to the people that were around me that knew that I was in an abusive relationship and did not even dare to tell me.

At one point,  I decided to live in a safe world, in a safe environment where I wouldn't be judged, criticized, hurt, or accused. I had to lie. This is when I taught my children to lie. I had to teach my children to lie so we could be safe from all these people around us, including my ex. We all had to lie.  We all had to have the same story.  It was hard to keep tabs on everything, but everything that didn't seem like we were living the perfect life, I felt had to be rearranged.

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