God I can't do DIY

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In which I piss myself laughing at my series of utter DIY **** ups over the years. Including my complete, total and abject failure to mend my dishwasher; the reasons why you shouldn't trust my dad to mend your plumbing (it's clearly a family trait); the worst way to mend a toilet door, ever; the relative merits of Naked Painting; and why Mr IKINTST is unlikely to leave me alone with a pot of paint, ever, ever again.