E9: Defensiveness and Burnout Cycles in Relationships

In this insightful episode, we explore the destructive cycles of defensiveness and burnout that plague our relationships, whether romantic, professional, or familial.
 
Key Points:

• The Defensiveness Cycle: Defensiveness is triggered when feedback is perceived as a threat to our identity or self-worth, activating our fight-or-flight response
• Childhood Roots: Our defensive reactions often stem from early attachment experiences where love felt conditional or caregivers seemed unpredictable
• The Fear Factor: Defensiveness is primarily about protecting ourselves from the fear of "not being worthy" or "not being enough"
• Burnout Connection: When we're physically and emotionally depleted, we're more likely to misread others' intentions as hostile
• The Vicious Cycle: Defensiveness creates conflict, which drains energy, worsening burnout, which increases defensiveness

Breaking Free:

1. Awareness First: Recognize when defensiveness is happening and name it aloud ("I feel defensive")
2. Count to 20: This simple technique keeps you in the present moment rather than triggering past wounds
3. Lead with Curiosity: Ask questions instead of firing back accusations
4. Take Responsibility: Owning your part diffuses tension and creates safety

Addressing Burnout:

• Set boundaries around what's depleting your energy
• Schedule intentional activities that replenish your emotional reserves

Remember: Vulnerability isn't weakness—it's strength. Each time you choose curiosity over defensiveness, you're investing in healthier relationships and freeing yourself from exhausting patterns.

This episode offers a brief glimpse into the elite 'High Performing Warrior' program. To learn more about the program, click the link below:
https://unkonventional.com.au/high-performing-warrior/

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