#95 Space - The Gap in Conversation

Alright, sit back and settle in.

Let me describe how your evening has gone so far.

A good friend of yours has dragged you along to a party.

He's currently trying to stand up while chatting to a girl in the corner. He's having about equal success at both.

That leaves you alone.

The party itself is decent. The drinks are about the right level of cheapness. The house has just less seating space than is ideal. So far not one person has started a fight or thrown up on themselves.

It's kind of dull to be honest but you're fine with that. You've had a bit too much excitement recently. I'll leave it up to you as to whether you were the cause of the excitement.

You've tried chatting to a few people. Nearly everyone else is either in the wrong type of investment banking for you, or too keen to talk about people they've known. You've been talking with other people about other other people a long time, for so long you're not really sure if these others really exist.

You look at your watch and decide it's just too early to leave, yet. You don't mind going without your friend (he's fully occupied after all), but you've just never imagined yourself as being the *first* to leave a party. You want to make one last go at conversation.

Then, you find them. And by them, I mean the person you've been unknowingly looking for all party. The one you actually sort of don't mind hanging around for more than 5 minutes.

"Hi!"

"Hi."

You can tell it's going well so far.

You follow with a "How are you?", and then it turns to "How have you been?" and you start fantasizing with them about "How will you be?". Without really trying, you're talking. It could be there's something more there but for the most part you're just so happy to be finding out about someone, and discovering they're someone it's worth finding out about.

You glance down at your phone - not (for once) to check your messages but just to see how long you've been there. It would now be more than acceptable for you this to call this a good night, try to find your friend and stagger home with him. But you don't want to, not yet. Just thinking about it makes your brain freeze. And I don't mean time stands still, no, time is very much moving about the very stationary you. 

They look straight into your eyes, possibly with a hint of concern (and it seems like genuine concern, as much as anyone does care for each other at these parties). They ask if you're ok.

And you're just sitting there, begging your mind to come up with something.

This is it. The  s p a c e.

This is where you decide what it's all about.

What does this conversation mean to you?

Does it mean anything at all? Will it just stand out as a good night in your mind, a meaningful highlight that there are real people in this world.

Does the person in front of you mean anything to you? How much talking have they been doing? God, has it just been you rambling on so far? You'd been so engrossed in the conversation you hadn't thought to check. 

Is it love? Or is it a genuine friendship? (After all, falling in love happens every night for some people but finding a good friend is something not worth ignoring either). Or is it just you desperate for companionship at this dull party.

Why are you not saying anything? Come on.

At what, I'm not quite sure, but your chance at something. Something more than anything else that's gone on so far.

You can see them glance away. And you see why.

The friend you came with has managed to start a fight with himself.

With a sigh, you get up and make your excuses. You ask them to hold on, promising you'll be back and hoping you aren't lying. Sadly, it turns out you are.

***

Full version - http://harryisapoet.blogspot.com/2014/10/space-gap-in-conversation.html