Sauce Gatekeepers

Machines require lubrication. The clockwork motion of gears and levers grinds to a halt without the grease. Proper lubrication is the key to a well-oiled machine. Like a drunkard at closing-time, Gas-guzzling SUVs demand a full flight of cocktails just to function. The Human body is a mechanical avatar with similar needs. Oils, mucus, and plasmas circulate and drip from the whole, sloppy chassis. And the jaw is no exception. It drips a little saliva, sure; but to work the chompers through a whole meal takes lubrication. Dry pasta isn’t going down the gullet without some bolognese. Dry chips are just shattered daggers without salsa. And French fries are floppy twigs without ketchup. Yet, somehow, the person behind the counter is becoming less forthcoming with the juice. Wet your whistle with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Ashley Pickett – as we squeeze the treasured mustard packets from the villainous Sauce Gatekeepers!







*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.







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