Cell Phone Policies

Life on our planet is divided into two Kingdoms: Plants and Animals. Basic, simple, and fundamental. In much the same way, our commerce is divided into two types of Purchases: Goods and Services. Goods are self-sufficient and inanimate. Services, on the other hand, are performed by our fellow humans. As a standardized purchase, it makes sense to regulate certain aspects of the service humans’ behavior. A uniform, for instance, makes sense. A waiter should look like a waiter and a milk delivery person should look like a milk delivery person. A standardized greeting makes sense, like ‘Welcome to the Genius Bar’ or ‘Are you a member of our rewards program?’ But there are some standardized rules of service that place the servant human in a lower, less-human caste.







You will be forced to wear a smile while Mat and Veronique go over the rules. First, you must always apologize as emotionally stunted boomers scream at you, and, most important, you must pretend that you do not own a cell phone. If management even suspects you know what a cell phone is, you will be fired, which are our standard industry Cell Phone Policies!







*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.







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