038: How to Keep it Sexy in a Long Term Relationship: Esther Perel’s 4 Things to Foster Erotic Desire

Elle and Vee dive into the work of Esther Perel, a relationship expert, on relationship dynamics, how to keep things sexy and how to foster erotic desire:

1. When your partner is in their element and confident.
2. Surprise.
3. Seeing your partner though the eyes of another.
4. Longing and absence.
   
   

Who is Esther Perel and what is she about?  (0:38)

When you ‘have’ something it takes away the wanting, and how the lifestyle helps with this. (2:47)

When do you  feel most drawn to your partner? (6:46)

Desire requires focusing on your own pleasure. (9:15)

The balance of neediness in a relationship. (10:24)

In relationships, certain behaviors bring out contrasting behaviors in the other. (11:51)

Two types of people in a relationship: one with the fear of losing the other and one with the fear of losing themselves. (13:50)

Relationship dynamics develop around security and freedom and also self reliance and interdependence. (16:19)

How the lifestyle supports admiration and surprise. (20:30)

When you see your partner through the eyes of someone else. (23:54)

How absence and longing helps with desire yet sometimes has a paradoxical effect in the lifestyle group of friends. (25:15)

Sameness kills desire: Elle and Vee share how they keep it spicy. (29:05)

Forget 1-on-1 First Dates: Try this alternative first date scenario and learn why! (33:32)

PSA: We’re taking a break next week! See you in October!  

Where to find us, and how you can support us:

Instagram: @girlsgonedeeppod

Merch: girlsgonedeep.com/shop

Woo More Play Affiliate Link: Support us while you shop!

WHOREible Life: Get 10% off your deck with code GONEDEEP at whoreiblelife.com
Instagram: @wlthegame

Contact: [email protected]

© 2025 GGD Alchemy, LLC. All Rights Reserved.