This Is Why the Spark Dies—and How to Get It Back

In this episode of Frank After 40, I sat down with Kristal DeSantis—licensed marriage and family therapist and author of STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. We covered the blueprint for building and maintaining modern love, especially for men navigating life, love, and identity after 40.

Kristal shared her personal upbringing, how she challenged the traditional relationship model, and how that led her to develop her "STRONG" acronym—a six-pillar framework for relational resilience and connection. From emotional safety to trust, respect, openness, nurturing, and generosity, she walks us through what actually keeps a relationship thriving, not just surviving.

We also dove into the evolving role of men in relationships, how first responders and veterans face unique emotional barriers, and why so many marriages fall into “functional partnerships” instead of connected ones. This episode is packed with raw insights, practical tools, and hope for anyone who wants better love, deeper connection, or a new chapter in life.

Episode Highlights

"I felt safe with them. I could be myself." – Kristal DeSantis (13:02)
"People aren't setting couples up for long-term success." – Kristal DeSantis (09:12)
"Don't be afraid to give yourself the life you've always wanted." – Kristal DeSantis (40:21)

Connect with Kristal Desantis

Website: https://www.strong.love/
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Strong-Relationship-Field-Guide-Modern/dp/1959099027/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongloveatx
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atxtherapist/
X: https://x.com/atxtherapist
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@atx_therapist
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristal-desantis/

Stay Connected with Frank:

Website: https://frankhereda.com/
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