If You Want Hell in Your Marriage, Do These Two Things…

This one hit deep. I sat down with Dr. Dean and HollyKem Sunseri—married counselors, recovery veterans, and co-authors of Roadmap to the Soul—and what unfolded was raw, soul-level honesty. We explored how childhood wounds silently shape our marriages, how untreated trauma mutates into protectors that sabotage intimacy, and why healing isn't about fixing what's broken—it's about recovering who you really are.

HollyKem shares a gripping account of surviving domestic violence, undiagnosed learning disabilities, and a full-blown addiction by the time she was 22. Dean, on the flip side, reveals his journey from the seminary and a family strained by alcohol, to orchestrating an intervention on his father the day after Mardi Gras—while literally giving him ashes in church.

Together, they’ve turned pain into purpose, helping everyone from newly sober couples to Hollywood creatives rediscover their true selves and rebuild connection without sedation.

Whether you're married, divorced, or navigating your own identity—this episode will challenge how you see healing, addiction, and love itself.

Episode Breakdown
00:16 – Introduction and episode setup
04:01 – HollyKem’s childhood: trauma, violence, and survival in South Louisiana
04:53 – Dean’s early life in New Orleans and the shift when addiction hit home
05:38 – Cultural blind spots around alcoholism and coping with dysfunction
07:46 – Living with dyslexia, ADD, and not knowing it
09:07 – “I did to myself what they did to me”: HollyKem’s story of addiction and redemption
09:25 – Dean’s spiritual awakening and intervention story
13:36 – How their own healing became their life’s mission
16:52 – The “Voices Within” framework and coaching philosophy
22:37 – The challenge of clients who come from neglect
28:48 – Why couples fall apart: the protectors that replace the true self
30:45 – How repentance and forgiveness can restore any relationship
34:16 – Communication skills and the power of grace and truth
37:38 – Details on their book and how to work with them

Episode Highlights
“You don’t marry the protector—you marry the true self. And then one day, you wake up next to the part of them that was meant to protect them from you.” – HollyKem Sunseri (29:06)
“If you want hell in your marriage, never apologize and never forgive.” – Dr. Dean Sunseri (33:03)
“I’m not trying to change the part of me that thinks in an unhealthy way. I’m learning to love it… without empowering it.” – HollyKem Sunseri (22:11)

Connect with Dr. Dean and HollyKem Sunseri

Website: https://www.ihaveavoice.com/
Book: Roadmap to the Soul - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DDWF2D2G
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/deanhollykem/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCytv7eq1EHRIuk9xCAymBhA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deanhollykemsunseri/
X: https://x.com/DeanSunseri
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@deanhollykemsunseri

Stay Connected with Frank:

Website: https://frankhereda.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/frankhereda/
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