#22 The Stages of Commitment

In this episode of For the Love of Men we discuss:

1. The Open Dating Phase can create a lot of anxiety for women because our idea of safety is usually (if you’re looking for a relationship) in a relational context. This gets to be an empowering opportunity for you to clarify your boundaries- which is how you create a feeling of safety for yourself without needing to control the situation. Focal Point: As you’re going on dates, make note- either written or mentally- when you experience safety and what works for you. THESE are your boundaries and they will keep you feeling empowered, in charge, and able to lean back and observe who is in front of you.


2. Exclusively Dating one person gives you the opportunity to see “who they are” in a more intentional way. Taking time to get to know someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are leading you on (assuming you both WANT a relationship). Codependency wounds can get activated very easily in this stage so it can be very empowering to continue to “date” them (not to collapse your boundaries to rush being “chosen”) to observe their consistent behavior. Focal Point: You are still responsible for your happiness and being the healthiest version of yourself, commitment or no commitment. Think of this phase as building a foundation for a relationship- how easily can you be yourself around them? Do you start dropping your hobbies/friends? Do you feel comfortable sharing your feelings/basic needs?


3. Commitment is what many women want because it feels like safety to the Feminine to be able to reveal her most authentic self and be accepted (the Masculine experiences safety in freedom so this may be when men feel most vulnerable). This phase opens up opportunities for deeper emotional intimacy and also comes with more responsibility in learning how to navigate triggers together and in front of another person. This is why the exclusive dating phase (the foundation building) is such a gift. Focal Point: This phase is where you can both grow most profoundly, if you can continue to see what they other person is revealing to you about your own triggers. Whatever the next phase looks like for you will be a conversation you can have together, as a team.

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