#21 Disempowering Dating Advice Made Right

In this episode of For the Love of Men we discuss:

1. “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free”. This phrase is disempowering to both men and women because it reduces them to their sexual value as currency. Action Item: this is can be an empowering exercise to get clear on what you want out of a relationship experience so you can lead with *those* boundaries (and increase the chances of getting what you most need) vs bargaining for it with sex.


2. The person that “cares” the least has the most power. If you act out of this belief, you create a power dynamic (struggle) that brings up the wounds of the partner- not their best. Action Item: Notice when you feel the need to use this strategy and get curious. Playing hard-to-get will repel empowered partners- and pull out their wounded self -because this is a lose-lose situation (love is about learning how to be vulnerable AND safe, and *this* is what is attractive to a potential partner).


3. Empowered partners are looking for emotional availability (not someone who plays hard-to-get or someone they “can’t have”). When we play hard-to-get, it is a giant red flag to a healthy partner because it is a sign that they won’t get their needs met (or make you happy) so why would they invest their best. Action Item: Our work is to release the traumatic patterns we unconsciously recreate of earning love and of not owning the powerful impact our presence has on the people around us.


4. Discernment is an empowered characteristic. This means understanding- and asking for- what you need to feel in integrity as the relationship unfolds is part of being the healthiest version of you (and therefore, creating a healthy relationship). Empowered partners don’t want you to violate your own boundaries to please them (like, ew.), and the more you can practice sharing what you need, the easier it will be to discern if you are a good fit. Action Item: If you are afraid that a partner will leave if you have sex, it is an indicator that you need to have the conversation not that you need to “hold out” until X date.

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