Special 09: What Is Partner Buffering?

Author: Joyice Robinson Myers, PhDc
Published: Sun 02 Jun 2024
Episode Link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/forlovesake/episodes/Special-09-What-Is-Partner-Buffering-e2kbc6j

Welcome back, love bugs! Thanks for joining me for the first anniversary of Match Marry Mate™ (which also happens to be my birthday). I invited my very first guest, Carlissa, back onto the podcast to hear about the progress she has made since our session a year ago.

This conversation is honest and insightful from the get-go as we delve into topics ranging from the “eldest daughter syndrome,” to co-parenting with an ex, partner buffering (including the two personas that this practice requires), and the power of your “yes!”

Carlissa is a different woman from who she was a year ago. It became very clear during our conversation that she is fully embracing her self-development journey as a single woman and has a lot of clarity about what she wants, who she wants, and who she wants to be.

Join us today to hear some of the invaluable lessons that Carlissa has learned about relationships, control, mothering, and healing over the past year. Stay tuned for what is coming next, and let’s spring into womanhood together! Also, don’t forget - if you have a Secret Story you want to share with me, I invite you to drop your truth for the next Secret Story episode!

Time Stamps:

[0:43] Happy one year anniversary to the Match Marry Mate™ show!

[1:29] Welcome back my very first podcast guest.

[4:44] An overview of what you can expect from this episode.

[7:21] The research project that I recently presented at the Love Consortium Conference at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

[9:03] Carlisa shares her gratitude for the podcast and some of the biggest lessons she learned from our session a year ago.

[14:02] Expectations that are often placed on the eldest daughters in Black families and how it can play out in their relationships.

[16:28] The dynamic between Carlisa and her ex.

[17:43] A hiring analogy that offers a useful way of determining whether someone is likely to be a good partner for you.

[21:25] Why Carlissa is content with being alone right now and where she is focusing her time and energy.

[32:41] How Carlisa feels about ending her previous relationship.

[34:56] The power of your “yes” as a woman.

[43:39] Carlisa shares some of the ups and downs she has experienced on her co-parenting journey.

[51:18] I explain what partner buffering is and the two personas (‘agent’ and ‘target’) involved in this practice.

[53:47] Carlissa shares her experience of partner buffering.

[58:25] Unpacking the roles of the ‘agent’ and the ‘target’ in partner buffering scenarios.

[1:03:41] I share advice on how to deal with the urge to protect your children from every threat, using experiences from my own childhood as examples.