Feeling Like I'm Failing

In this heart–forward episode, Andrew shares the shoulder injury that forced him to stop, sit still, and confront a lifelong belief that his worth equals his usefulness. Cat opens up about what it’s like to love a helper who suddenly needs help—and how “failing” often just means you’re in a season of healing, not a verdict on who you are.

Expect reframes, gentle tactics for the “I’m behind” spiral, and a reminder that asking for help is a gift you give other people, too.

Key takeaways

• Worth ≠ productivity. North American culture often ties identity to output; this season invites you to uncouple the two.
• Asking for help is pro-connection, not weak. You let loved ones feel useful and deepen bonds when you receive.
• Reframe “failure” as a phase. Rest, rehab, and regrouping are progress—just a different speed.
• Contrast creates clarity. Hard seasons sharpen gratitude and reveal what really matters.
• Interrupt the spiral. When “I’m failing” hits, use a simple, external plan to change state (temperature, movement, environment).

Practical tools you can use today

• The 3-step spiral interrupter

1. Tend the body: pain meds/tea/ice or heat, shower, fresh air.
2. Change state: 30-minute recharge alone, short comedy clip, music, or a brisk walk.
3. Micro-plan: one tiny win (email, stretch, refill water), then reassess.

• Ask like a giver: “Could you help me with X?” → remember you’re offering someone the gift of helping.
• Reverse-compare: stop looking only ahead; look back at how far you’ve come.
• Temperature hack: cold pack to neck/face or warm shower to reset your nervous system.
• 10–10 List: write 10 things you did do today + 10 things you’re grateful for (including your body doing basics).
• Best-friend filter: Would you say that harsh thought to your favorite person? If not, rephrase it with kindness.

Try this (5-minute prompt)

Write a note to yourself that starts:

“I’m not failing—I’m healing. If a friend were in my exact spot, I’d tell them…”

Finish the sentence. Read it out loud.

Resources mentioned & related

• Feelings Wheel – pinpoint what you’re actually feeling to respond better.
• Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) – simple practices to treat yourself like a friend.
• Open Path Collective – affordable therapy options.
• The Wealthy Barber – a gentle, story-driven intro to money basics (ties into our recent money series).

📧 Questions or need a nudge? [email protected]

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Memorable lines

• “Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re healing what needs care.”
• “Asking for help is a gift. You’re letting someone you love feel useful.”
• “You’re not behind; you’re in a different chapter.”
• “Look back for proof, not just forward for gaps.”

Glimmers (the little sparkly things)

• Andrew: The unexpected closeness with his dad & being cared for by his people.
• Cat: A full, memorable summer with the kids—and the flexibility to be there for family (and for Andrew).

If you’re having a tougher time

If thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness creep in, please reach out:

• 988 (US) Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 or 45645 (text, 4pm–midnight ET)
• You deserve support, right now.

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