Conflict resolution in marriage and more

Auto-generated transcript:My brothers and sisters, may Allah bless my dear friend and brother,
Omar Abdullah, for asking me beautiful questions.
He and a couple of others who I truly appreciate because of the very good questions they ask.
And the result of those good questions is that they get me to think and hopefully, you know,
create content for myself primarily and then for whoever else is listening,
which is potentially beneficial for us all, inshallah.
So yesterday we were in Boston and we were walking.
We were actually at the ISBCC.
Big mosque, Islamic center in Boston, which is a beautiful place.
Very, very well run.
And from there, we had to go and visit a dear friend who's in the children's hospital.
He's had this fifth open heart surgery.
So I'm also asking you all to, because this goes globally,
so I'm asking you all to make a lot of dua.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
sitting there and I asked him so how are you feeling and so on he doesn't shake I
recited in the Sunday school graduation ceremony I recited surah they are seen
20 ayat and I have memorized some more so can I recite I think I get I know a
30 I think so can I decide them for you I said so I mean I'm honored yeah and
imagine this is this young man he is I think he's about 13 or something as
starting of 14 and he is going to open-heart surgery he's obviously has
major major health issues and we ask Allah to give him complete cure inshallah
and he's not wasting his time sitting there in the in the ICU in the room
you know he's not going to be able to do anything he's not going to be able to do
anything he's not going to be able to do anything he's not going to be able to do
anything he's not going to be in nature any kind of serious injury in his
out of bed so then all of that you know so he immediately that's awesome
two Sohail Advampal I have66000 something did you memorize the Quran yes
half it there I tell you this is a it's it's not just a compliment remember it's
MashaAllah may Allah bless them
So we were at this masjid
And we had to go to the children's hospital
And we
Umar and I we said
Well how do we go
Do we take
Do we take the
Umar
Neither of us had a car
So
He said do we take the metro or what
I said let's see how far it is
And they said
It was about a mile
So I said
Let's just walk
And we walked
Lovely day
A bit hot and humid
But you know
Nothing to worry about
We passed the
Very impressive
Frontage of
Harvard Medical School as well
On the
And then we went and met the gentleman
Now on the way
Umar asked me this question
And he said
In a marriage
How do you deal with conflict
I guess this applies to everything
It's not just a question of marriage
And I said
How do you deal with conflict
So I told him
I said the
Way to deal with
Conflict is
Very simple
First and foremost
Um
Define
Both of you sit down
Both spouses
Sit down
And define
The conflict
So what is the conflict about
And I'm a great believer
In writing things down
So if you
Um
Write things down
It clarifies
The matter
So
I just sit down
And define the conflict
So now
Think about this
When you are
Defining the conflict
And the purpose of that
Definition is not
Is not to have
Say how do I see it
How do you
You know
What is the conflict
Come to one definition
So whichever
Obviously there are two different ways of seeing it
Because there are two people involved
But
Those two people
Make sure that you come to
Make one definition
What is the conflict
Now this
If you think about this
This exercise
Itself
Is an exercise of
Coming together
Or collaborating
To do something
So the focus shifts from
What am I saying
What is he saying
Or what is she saying
You know
Who is right
Who is wrong
Who is
You know
More powerful
Less powerful
All the usual
Political things
Political stuff
That happens
Especially
In marital conflicts
But