How Do You Know When to Go?

Is there a good time to leave a marriage? Our answer is if you are in danger. Questions to consider:

• Do you feel safe?
• Are you scared?
• Are your children safe?

It is time to get a domestic violence protective order. We do that because you can't make the other person go.

Other than that specific situation the answer to when is the good time to leave is: It depends.

Many people decide to wait until the kids are out of high school. We discuss the pros and cons of this approach, but again your situation is different and there is no cookie-cutter answer. That's where a counselor and attorney can help you sort out your feelings to make a decision. 

So what if you decide to leave?
We get a lot of questions about how finances will be handled.

There are two main issues to consider. Many people focus on growing their careers and let their unhappy relationships go to the backburner. However, while you are out there building your empire you need to remember that your spouse will likely share in the financial benefits of your effort. Also, people find themselves in the position of wanting to separate but realizing that they cannot afford to split.

We discuss spousal support and what judges want to see from people seeking this type of compensation in a divorce. 

What about affairs? When is the right time to leave? Again the answer is "it depends." It really comes into play with spousal support and custody. This may be the time to hire a private investigator.  If you are contemplating an affair we advise that you should separate first. The amount of complexity it will add to a divorce is not worth the hassle. 

If you choose to work through the affair you can also consider a post-nuptial agreement that lays out what would happen if another affair would occur.