“The Other Side”

I wasn't ready for Equinox at the Hudson yards— which I should have known simply by my prior exclusions alone, but at the very least still had to try it

‘You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna hop on tinder later and find myself a motherfucker who looks JUST LIKE Dillon Francis…shouldn't be hard'

His doppelgängers were well — everywhere, anyway, and I was. growing more and more tortured in my own body and soul each and every day, and especially now — my hair was tattered and my clothes in rags, a drastic contrast to the perfect almost machine-factory perfect bailies I was surrounded by at the Hudson Yards. I had almost left in tears, but after thoroughly crying it out in the sauna, decided I needed to be there more than wanted it; I looked inequality dead in the face; everyone around me had been born with Equinox in the palms of their hands— supermodels, influencers, the daughters of the elite—colonizations results: perfectly groomed, wealthy daughters, not a working class woman in sight, besides of course the staff at Equinox. The rich and exotic hotel guests in and about the spa area and sun deck sneered and slithered about; I sat in the corner, hoping to somehow become invisible, solemnly I my terrorbird sweatshirt, with the bleached out sleeve and fading graphics, to cover all my potruding belly and all the weight I had gained in the homeless system. I hadn't the privilege to eat what I needed or wanted for the energy, and again with no word of when I would have any money to eat— I was running on only the energy from my own mixtapes, as I hat in anhumph collecting more music via Shazam. That was playing loudly over the sun deck speakers, choking back the pain and a swallowing it, glimpsing and staring though my non-tinted glasses at all of the perfection that I wasn't, but wanted and needed desperately to be; a google search for free escort services and sugar baby websites turned up not much of a result—the things I did find seemed almost satirical, and full of even more competition than I might again fall below.

I had found the drummer I had been working with on tinder looking for another doppelgänger — albeit unmentionable, and I hadn't needed another copy of anyone else, especially after the Mexican fiasco that had landed me digging literally my own grave.

Still, I had one foot in the door, another in the ground— and it might have been that I was too hungry to process or function properly, let alone think, but I wanted to die.

Hudson Yards was not for me. My worn clothes and matted hair tore shreds in my heart and my soul, the demons of the perfectly, priveleged rich wealthy mostly white and powerful ate at me with wicked smiles and slanted eye lids—and the devil himself m stood up to say—

“See, you really are mine”

I hadn't sold my soul, but it was always here at the crossroads where again I was offered the bargain of freedom for my hollowed, buried soul— a body any man could adore and love, a home—endless wealth—

And though I had become one not to trust—
Satan was neither. I kept my soul in the unlovable broken and wilted body, at least for now.

The devil persisted

Coughing people began springing up everywhere.

“KILL YOURSELF”

I wanted to , I might, if I ever had the courage— but I was a coward, in that sense all of a sudden—not the fear of death, but whatever would come afterwards—

Because there was always and afterwards.
Always.

JENNIFER ANNISTON

don't cry in Here, kid, you're gonna ruin it from both of us.

A gym is just a gym
And a him and just a him
It's just a Dillon Francis
Kayla Lauren
Jamboree again
I hope I jam my knee again
—just kidding
Fall asleep again just wishing
I could end me, Billie—
But without the fam to
Fill me in
The void

BILLIE ELLISH has shapeshifted into a large, muscular black man— and is enjoying it.

BILLIE ELLISH
(As Lamar)
I like this.
Almost too much
BILLIE ELLISH
(As Lamar)
*shrugs*

-/My friend with the peloton

Fee the energy
Leave your body
As she eats it
She only said
Thank you
But she don't mean it—
There ain't no sincerity in her,
She's stiff
You just can't give a pretty girl a compliment

I'll never know why Sonny wanted to hurt me so badly
But he did it
And he's good at it
{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

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-U.