Unauthorized News Broadcast: Backhoe Took the Fiber, Now We're on 5G (2/2)

This is Doomscroll.fm, broadcasting from a blown fuse and a melted SIM card. Today’s top stories include Russian missile spam, far-right cosplay in Japan, B-52 chicken dances, and Donald Trump’s Epstein-shaped shadow. We’re running light today—thanks to a backhoe with bad timing—so expect less buffering and more blunt trauma. 5G ain't all that much faster, just sexier.

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