We’re Off To The Sperm Races! – NEW SHOW

On Today’s Show:









* ✈️ Plus-sized influencer demands wheelchair access or war at SeaTac.







* 💉 High schoolers remix Daft Punk to promote AIDS awareness… with alarming enthusiasm.







* 🧠 Jesse Lee Peterson discovers women went to space… and panics.







* 🏁 Sperm racing is now a real competitive event. And yes, you can gamble on it.







* ⚡ Cop pulls woman over for expired tags, escalates into a “you scared me!” taser-fest.







* 🍟 Fast food rage: the voicemails are full of drive-thru fury.







* 🎶 And we kick things off with the world’s most horrifying DV theme remix: “Dead Babies Bounce.”









🎧 Highlights & Clips:







🧬 “We’re up all night to get AIDS!” – Tim discovers an ancient high school science video with Daft Punk, abstinence, and full-blown cringe.







🪐 “What are women doing in space—menstruating?” – Jesse Lee Peterson fears a future where periods orbit Earth. Tim breaks down this idiocy, blow by blow.







🧑‍🦼 “I was told I was a danger… simply by existing!” – The return of Jaelynn Chaney, the plus-sized activist who demands wheelchair access at all times. Keg Pony tribute included 🐷💺







🥚 Sperm Racing: The Sport America Needs – USC vs UCLA. Under microscopes. Real sperm. Real wagers. Peak civilization.







🚓 License & Taser – Tim plays the full breakdown of a routine traffic stop turned full-blown scuffle after one too many “Hold on, I’m on the phone!”s.







📢 Voicemail Freakout Zone:







📱 Haley’s Comet drops 50lbs 💪 📞 Fast food fail tales: Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box. Your stomach may growl in rage.







🥤 Tim rants about drive-thru tacos dumped upside down. It’s NOT OKAY. 🌮🔥







💩 Miscellaneous Debauchery:









* Lord Douche ruins Taco Bell with 9,000 substitutions.







* Tim contemplates becoming a woman to complete his Social Commentary Pokémon card set: ✔ Gay ✔ Fat ☐ Black ✔ Misogynistic?









🔒 Sideshow Plug Time! Support the stupidity 💵 Get bonus episodes, full archives, and smug freak status by joining the DV Sideshow: 🌐 ⁠DistortedView.com⁠ 📱 Subscribe via Spotify or Apple Podcasts 💸 Or join us on Patreon: ⁠patreon.com/distortedview⁠







📅 Next Sperm Race is April 25th at the Hollywood Palladium! Place your bets: Team Dribbler vs. Rope Shooter









Today’s Sponsor:









Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve













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