The Pelvic Floor is Lava: Smartphones Vs. Your Busted Butthole

Today on the Show:







On Today’s Show:









* Our favorite prostitute, Sagittarius Shawty, proves once again she’s not the most gracious hostess.







* A new reality show contestant learns the hard way that prison doesn’t come with ChapStick.







* Alex Jones has a nuclear-grade meltdown over an ex-employee leaving Infowars.







* Plus: hemorrhoids, smartphones, and why “big toilet” needs to innovate.

















Episode Highlights









* Domestic Drama: Tim shares updates on Lord Douche’s hoarding habit—complete with washed-out salsa jars, taco sauce packets, and 20 ice cream pints.







* Sagittarius Shouty Files: From charging clients immediately, to refusing water, to limiting sex positions, Sagittarius takes “customer service” to new lows—then puts her johns on blast for the internet.







* Family Lockup (A&E): A reality show turns into high-maintenance chaos when one temporary “inmate” demands ChapStick and a clean cell.







* Alex Jones Meltdown: Following Owen Shroyer’s defection, Jones unleashes WWE-style trash talk, toilet metaphors, and apocalyptic promises to “destroy you, scum.”







* Hemorrhoids & Smartphones: A new study links scrolling on the toilet to swollen veins, discomfort, and bleeding. Tim wonders: where is the “Lazy Boy” of toilets?







* Quick Hits:



* Killer turned Shein model? Luigi Mangione’s face sparks fast-fashion controversy.







* Listener voicemails tackle fake Tourette’s, returning groceries, and Tim’s egg obsession.





















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