The 1987 Penis Pump Buyers Guide

I’ve got a Best-Of show to hold you over until today’s new episode drops in the afternoon!







Segments







1. Opening News Story: Local News Anchor Eats Cat Vomit









* Summary: A local news anchor mistakenly eats cat vomit, thinking it’s Grape Nuts cereal, during a live broadcast. The incident spirals into comedic chaos as the anchor realizes the mistake on air.







* Quotes:



* “I thought it was Grape Nuts. I ate cat vomit right here on television. It’s disgusting.”







* “It’s on the bottom of my shoe, and I thought it was Grape Nuts, and it’s cat vomit. I’m going to throw up.”











* Key Points:



* The anchor initially mistook cat vomit for cereal scattered on the floor.







* The incident becomes a trending topic, with the anchor humorously addressing the gross error.













2. Main Topics









* The Darker Side of Faux Incest Porn:



* Discussion of a disturbing porn video titled Morning Breakfast Turns into Hardcore Sex with Teen Babe.







* Features a young woman eating cereal, looking sad, and being coerced by a stepfather figure in a non-consensual scenario.







* Tim critiques the unsettling tone, noting the actress’s distress throughout, calling it “Bunny Crush 2.0.”







* Quote: “She never becomes cock hungry. As a matter of fact, she cries throughout the entire thing.”











* Jeff Stryker’s Penis Pump Collection:



* Introduction to gay porn star Jeff Stryker’s endorsement of his penis pump line.







* Features audio from Stryker promoting three models: a squeeze bulb model, an “executive” art deco model, and a flexible tubing/plunger hybrid.







* Quotes:



* “You put the lubricant on your cock. Cock. You slide your cock through this hole.”







* “It’s really neat to watch just how big you can get your cock.”











* Tim humorously compares it to Joan Rivers selling clothing on QVC and references Stryker’s music career (Pop You in the Pooper and What a Man Has to Do).











* Restaurant Bill Dispute:



* A video from the Chi-Town Foodies Facebook group shows a couple arguing over a restaurant bill.







* The woman insists she only invited her daughter, not her partner, leading to a heated exchange where the man pours a drink on her.







* Quote: “I told my daughter to come, not you. You got me fucked up, I’m telling you.”











* Karate Kick at Pro-Life Protest:



* In Toronto, a male counter-protester, Jordan Hunt, roundhouse kicks pro-life organizer Marie-Claire Bissonnette during an anti-abortion protest after she confronts him about defacing signs.







* Hunt is fired from his job at Noble Studio 101 hair salon following the incident.







* Quote: “I meant to get your phone,” Hunt says after the kick, claiming it was unintentional.











* Funeral Director’s Corpse Photos:



* Angelia Angel Stewart, a former Pennsylvania funeral director, is sentenced to 10 years of probation for taking photos of corpses and showing them to friends.







* Photos included a body with organs removed and another covered in maggots, intended to gross out her friends.







* Quote: “If I could take away the pain, I would, but it’s too late.”











* Nazi-Themed Hotel Room: