Unmedicated: Facing Depression Without a Prescription

Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression. Today’s conversation is one that’s deeply personal, raw, and vulnerable. We’re diving into the effects of medication—what it’s like when I’m on it, and what happened when I decided, on my own, to stop taking it.

Before we begin, I want to make something very clear: these are my personal experiences. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please seek professional help. You can call 1-800-950-NAMI (that’s 1-800-950-6264) or text NAMI to 62640. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to help.

There’s a saying that I think is the perfect framework for this episode:

“Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”

So, today, I invite you to walk in mine.

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The Decision

A few months ago, I made a decision—not recommended by a professional, not thought out, and definitely not the smartest one in my 49 years on this earth—to stop all of my medication. Yup, cold turkey.

And when I say “all,” I mean ALL:

• My anxiety and depression medication
• My diabetes medication
• My cholesterol medication

Let me pause and give you a second to ask the question that everyone asks me when I tell them this:
“Why?”
“What were you thinking?”

And my honest answer is:
I don’t know.

I just knew I was tired of feeling like a numb little bug. Of going through life like a robot. Sure, the medication was working—it was helping my anxiety and depression—but I didn’t feel like myself. I wasn’t folding laundry, wasn’t showering regularly, wasn’t picking up the phone to call people I love. I wanted to do these things, I had internal conversations about doing these things, I even said how beneficial they would be…but no action followed.

Even joy started feeling… muted.

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The Crash

The first sign something was wrong? I was keeping myself awake until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I’ve always been a night owl, but this was different. I’d be up at 2, 3, 4 a.m., not because I was energized—but because I was trying to keep my brain busy until it just gave out. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

And here’s where I need to tread carefully. The thoughts I was having were about death, but not suicide. I was struggling with the concept of life and death—grappling with existence itself. It's hard to explain, and maybe I’ll try in another episode once I can wrap my brain around it a little better. But it was scary, and heavy, and consuming. 

I’d like to add that this moment was part of my crash, and if I had chosen not to share it, only a select few would have known. But not everyone has that luxury.

Society today is quick to pull out a phone and record a developing situation, hoping it “goes viral.” Maybe this name rings a bell, maybe it doesn’t—but what comes to mind when I say Delonte West?

Delonte West was a professional basketball player in the NBA. He played for the Dallas Mavericks, Boston Celtics, and Cleveland Cavaliers, earning just over $16 million over the course of eight seasons. His story perfectly reflects the saying, “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.”

In 2022, a video of Delonte West went viral showing the former NBA player panhandling in a gas station parking lot. The overwhelming majority of the comments focused on how much money he had made during his career, as if being an NBA player somehow protected him from “being human.” People judged him without knowing he was battling addiction and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

We have access to an endless amount of information, yet we still haven’t mastered the ability to understand what is happening in someone’s life—much less why it’s happening.

We have to do better. I encourage you to do better…

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A Glimmer of Good

Now, I won’t say there weren’t any positives. The biggest one?
I was reintroduced to my emotions. I cried when watching the video of a soldier come home and surprising his family. You know the ones I’m talking about….– I ugly cried watching the Disney/Pixar movie - Inside Out – nothing like a good cry!

That emotion had been missing for years, often times I questioned if it would ever reappear. It did & I’m glad!

And I’ve restarted my diabetes and cholesterol meds. 

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The Ripple Effect

What I didn’t realize at the time was how much this decision impacted not just me—but everyone around me.

1. Work

Let’s start with work. In sales, hitting quota isn’t just about personal pride—it directly affects your manager’s income. When I stopped my meds, my performance dropped. I missed my quota for months.

Many managers would’ve written me off. “Burnout,” they’d say. Or “maybe he’s looking for a new job.” But my manager? He noticed something was off.

He didn’t pry. He just said, “I’m here if you need anything.” And when I finally told him what I was going through—he didn’t judge. He listened. That didn’t change the company’s expectations, of course. I still had to hit quota. But it made me feel seen, and that made a difference.

2. Family

Then there’s my family. I had a two-hour phone call with my brother—well, I talked for nearly two hours, he probably got five minutes in. Which clearly earned him the “GREAT LISTENER” badge!!! But in those five minutes, he dropped something that hit hard. My mom had been wondering why I only called on the way to dinner. Calls that always ended abruptly when I reached the restaurant.

I hadn’t realized how that made her feel.

Like I was squeezing her into a schedule, not prioritizing our time.

That moment humbled me. This journey isn’t just affecting me—it’s affecting the people who love me. And that’s something I have to own.

Bobbie

Now for the part that hit me the hardest: Bobbie.

Bobbie has loved me through everything. And I’ll be honest—I don’t always understand how she does it. She sends me motivational videos, encourages walks, shares wellness tips, and somehow still believes in me when I can’t believe in myself.

She reminds me daily that there’s hope.

She educates me on ways to get through & reduce my anxiety & depression:

• That food is the most abused anxiety drug
• That sunlight is medicine
• That 7 minutes of laughter can change your entire mood
• That 8 hours of sleep isn’t optional
• That movement matters
• That I can still LIVE, not just survive

And she challenges me, lovingly, to put in the work. To show up for myself. Because she knows I can do it, even when I don’t.

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The Goal

So here’s where I am today:
 I’m not “fixed.” This isn’t the end of the movie where everything gets tied up in a neat little bow.

But I’m better than I was four weeks ago.