Losing Friends Before 23 and Its Impact on Depression

In today’s episode, we're going to delve into a topic that hits close to home for many of us – the profound impact of losing friends at an early age and how it can cast a long shadow on the path of our lives. I’ll share the loss of 3 friends that had bright futures ahead of them, but tragedy wrote a different ending to their stories.

Call to Action: If you or someone you know is struggling with the loss of a friend, remember you’re not alone. Reach out for support, whether it’s through a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor. Healing takes time, but sharing your story can be a powerful step towards finding peace.

Do you have a story to share, a question, or a topic suggestion for a future episode? Email me at [email protected].

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More about this episode "Grief and Growth: Losing Friends Before 23 and Its Impact on Depression":

I'm your host, Adam Turner, and today we're going to delve into a topic that hits close to home for many of us – the profound impact of losing friends at an early age and how it can cast a long shadow on the path of our lives.

You see, life is a tapestry woven with threads of laughter, shared memories, and the bonds we build with the people around us. But sometimes, those threads are cut way too short, leaving us grappling with a sense of emptiness that lingers for years. That's exactly what happened to me. As I stand here at 47 years old, I can't help but look back and recognize the weight that these losses have had on my journey with depression.

As sons of a Lay Rabbi, my brother & I were often called upon to funeral services that my dad would conduct. I wouldn’t be surprised if by the age of 17 my brother had been to a few dozen funerals, some for family while others were for people we didn’t know well. So I was very familiar with Jewish Funerals and the traditions that come along with it. What I WASN’T prepared for is when a High School classmate was killed in an auto-accident during our Senior Year. He was the Senior Class President, the multi-sport athlete and honestly just an all around nice guy! He lived just a block away so we would spend a lot of time together.  We would play tennis baseball in his backyard, he taught me how to play table tennis (not good enough to beat him, but he taught me enough to play), a favorite was sledding down what then appeared to be a MONSTER hill…and when it was raining we would sit in front of the television and play MIKE TYSON’S KNOCKOUT on the Nintendo Entertainment System!!! It was October 30th and he was driving home after attending the schools Halloween Dance…he was dressed as Kenny Rogers “The Gambler” and he NAILED IT!!! I believe his date was dressed as Dolly Parton (but I wasn’t at the dance & my memory isn’t what it use to be).  When I was told what happened, time just stood still…I didn’t know how to feel as this was someone that I spent time with, went to 12 years of school with & competed with on his team & against him…. My father consoled me…best he could – The next thing I remember was calling hours at one of the local funeral homes.  We lived a block away and decided to walk. As we turned the corner towards the Funeral Home I remember thinking to myself…holy crap!  There was a line down the street for a couple of blocks…all I could hear was crying as we approached to pay our respects.  We finally made it into the doors of the Funeral Home, we saw his younger sister, older brother mother & father…and then I froze. I looked towards the casket as I had many times before at the funerals I attended, but NEVER in my life had I been to an open casket. My friend lying there & I see him! As we made our ways through the line I noticed his dad touching my friends shoulder before shaking everyones hand and thanking them for coming.  Just as I heard on the way in the tears remained on our way out, but it was shortly after leaving the screams of terror from my brother that frightened me most…he also was traumatized after seeing the body of our once VIBRANT friend with nothing but a bright future ahead of him. I still think about him…and when I do I smile and sing “you’ve got to know when to hold em’, know when to fold em’, know when to walk away, know when to run, you never count your money when your sittin at the table, there’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done! 

Tim – was one of my three sophomore year roommates. Tim was quietly hilarious. In order to help pay for school, he would substitute teach at the local high school. Like me, he wasn’t a morning person, so when the call to substitute came in at 5:30 a.m. he had to evaluate how he felt from the night before and surprisingly he would accept…almost every time they called him.  However, there was this one particular morning that he received a call to come in and I heard him say he wasn’t going to be able to cover that day.  My curiosity got the best of me and so I asked him “Tim, why didn’t you accept!” He said: “Adam, I don’t want to be an adult today…I want to be a college student!!!”  It was so Tim to just tell it how it was, no BS…

Although I didn’t know Tim for a long time, about a year and a half, I knew him long enough to build a bond a very strong bond…that tends to happen when you live together.  So to receive the news that Tim & his girlfriend was in a car accident, the 1st thing that came to mind was Ben…I ask the police officer if they were going to be ok & the response sent me into an instant frenzy.  The police officer said that Tim was killed in the accident & his girlfriend was “fighting for her life”…in that moment there are so many questions – How did this happen? Where did it happen? Etc.  The passing of Tim was difficult for all that knew him.  In the coming weeks, we would have a special tribute on campass where friends could share their thoughts and say our final goodbye to our friend.  The University was incredibly supportive, checking in on the three of us as we try to make sense of what was going on around us.  The University prepared us meals (breakfast, lunch & dinner) for the next couple of weeks, provided resources for counseling, & reached out to our professors regarding the accident. Meanwhile, Tim’s HS friend and roommate was at the hospital to support Tim’s girlfriend…who was fighting for her life.  She had multiple painful surgeries & he wanted to be there when she woke up from them…the news wasn’t going to be easy to share, but he knew it would be even harder hear.  How do you tell someone that the person you love is no longer with us?

Through the toughest of times, there still can be a silver lining.  His girlfriend survived, she is still physically & mentally scared from that tragic night…yet somehow was able to make lemonade from those sour lemons.  Tim’s HS friend & roommate ended up marrying and have 2 beautiful twin girls – MIRACLE of MIRACLES!  Don’t get this twisted like a Jerry Springer episode…They didn’t care for each other at first – the typical buddy wanting to hang out with his “boy” but Girlfriend always ruined that.  However, when you look at most successful relationships/marriages they are often times woven together tightly with sim...