How to Connect with Birth Mom with Mental Illness? - Weekend Wisdom

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Question: I've been listening to your podcast for a few years! Our 10-year-old kinship adopted daughter has lived with us since she was 2 months old. For a variety of reasons, there hasn't been any in-person visits or phone calls with her birth mom (my sister). Communication has been limited to holiday/birthday cards and gifts.  My sister has schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Because she has been stable on her medications and her behaviors are typically within a somewhat 'predictable' range, we're thinking it's time to begin an in-person relationship.  We're planning on writing a letter to my sister to tell her our thoughts on all of this and establish some ground rules and boundaries. After she has some time to digest that letter, my wife and I plan to meet with her in person (without our daughter) to firm up plans, expectations, etc.  My questions are:

• What are some generally good boundaries to set up? 
• How can we help prepare my sister for potentially tough questions from our daughter? (My sister is in denial that anything is wrong with her.) 
• How can we prepare our daughter for all of this? 
• How can we do this in a way that doesn't feel like we're wagging our finger at my sister and being 'above her'?  

Resources:

• Working with Birth Parents for the Child's Best Interest (Resource page)
• Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource page)
• Finding an Adoption-Competent Therapist (Resource page)

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