1876 Is Your Self-Worth Consumed by Loving Your Spouse?

You must be careful not to lose who you are when loving and serving your spouse. Yes, we are called to be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10), but losing ourselves in the process of loving can be devastating to any relationship.

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The conversation of today goes something like this.

Person One: "What do I need to have a great marriage?"

Person Two: "Be your authentic self and love unconditionally."

Why does the word "authentic" pop-up in every conversation? What does it even mean?

Authentic is being genuine. Now that doesn't give you permission to do whatever you want. There are some logical boundaries. Ultimately though, what is being said is that you do not want to change who you are to please someone else.

Some of us marry at first with the idea that we are going to be the best wife ever! We are going to have a clean house, well-behaved children, fun in the bedroom, and dinner on the table every night by 6:00 pm.

Then real-life happens! The shock of being everything to everyone is exhausting; meeting the expectations of your spouse, your children, your boss, your family, and friends.

There you are left hanging in the balance. You don't know who you are except the wife of your husband, and mom to your children. All of your actions are connected to them. You can't finish a sentence without acknowledging who you are to them.

Now yes, it is important to serve and fulfill your responsibilities as a wife and mother. But you also need to be true to who God created you to be. (However, don't get the idea that you can be mad when you want, yell louder at times, or demand that you're always right. There is some give and take.)

With that being said, you need to recognize your value not because whose wife or mom you are, but who God created you to be.

So you have to be independently strong while loving courageously as a couple.

Let's just get this out of the way. Just because you feel crabby, doesn't mean you should be crabby. Just because you want your own way, doesn't mean you shouldn't compromise. Marriage is a two-way street. You need to be independently strong and love courageously as a couple.

1. Be secure in who you are becoming. It is okay to desire to become your best selfie. This is super attractive to your spouse. Confidence is attractive!
2. Be verbal in your needs and wants. This is where you communicate what's working and what's not working. And remember, it goes both ways. You need to be heard and your spouse needs to be heard.
3. Love unconditionally with a servant's heart. This doesn't mean you open yourself up to being walked all over. However, you know that the decisions and actions you take are to serve from a place of love, not an obligation.

Your self-worth does not depend upon everything you do for everybody. You are worthy because God created you; fearfully and wonderfully made. No actions or decisions can separate you from that. So instead of connecting your self-worth to how you love your spouse, love yourself first so you can love your spouse more.

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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson

Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

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