1540 How to Support a Spouse Who is Hurting
- Author
- Kristianne Wargo
- Published
- Sat 01 Feb 2020
- Episode Link
- https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/createyournowarchive6/1540_How_to_Support_a_Spouse_Who_is_Hurting.mp3
No one likes to see someone hurting or in pain. But means, we must learn how to support a spouse who is hurting.
This doesn't come easy for many reasons.
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From the beginning, you need to know that you don't have to have all the answers.
As much as you want to hold them up, it’s important to know that God does not expect you nor does He require you to have all the answers.
We tend to put those expectations on ourselves as spouses. And that can really trip us up in our relationships.
And then, when we can't meet those expectations, whether it be our own or our spouse's expectations, the shower of guilt begins.
What good does guilt do in helping to support a spouse who is hurting or in pain?
It does NO good! In fact, it adds stress, frustration, too much second-guessing, even anger can fluff its feathers.
What God wants us to do, and what we should do, is be able to lift up our spouse in this time of need, abandoning all preconceived ideas of what a perfect marriage looks like with no hurt or no pain.
It's because of these crazy ideas that we wear the "fallen short" cloak.
So instead of holding yourself up to ideals that give only more hurt, pain, and discomfort, you are going to love beyond your own strength.
The K.I.S.S. ~ Love beyond your own strength!How is that possible? If I don't have it to give, then how can I love beyond my strength.
- LISTEN - Be a good listener. It's sitting down and cutting out all the distractions. Opening up our ears to just listen. We don’t need to have the answers. We don’t need to be able to even point them in the right direction or the wrong direction. What we need to be able to do is to hear the concerns, hear their voice. Giving that space for the hurt to be heard. Allow their pain to escape their own imprisonment within their own mind.
- PRAY - As a Christian, I believe it’s important that we pray. And not just pray a general prayer. It’s praying a specific prayer. There is something about verbalizing the pain and the hurt that our spouse is feeling. It draws out more empathy for us to feel what they are feeling. It makes it real! There are a lot of things in life that are unfinished. But God can see the finish line way before we ever can come to fathom it.
- Take AIM - It's about taking the next step. What is the plan to maybe escape the hurt? Maybe to heal the hurt? Or maybe to relieve oneself of the pain and suffering that they’re in the middle of. Sometimes we just go through messes and that’s all we can do, is to go through them! But when it comes to helping our spouse and supporting them, it’s more about their next step. Not the step you think they should take. It’s not our journey to walk. It’s their next step to walk. But you can be right beside them. Help them and encourage them.
God did not create us as husband and wife to come together and have all answers for each other.
But God did create us to come together in love and support of one another; being the encourager. And sometimes, that's hard to do.
At times, one may think you have to be a cheerleader. And at other times, when there's hurt or pain, a calm strong ear to hear our aches and our sorrows soothes the matter at hand giving a breath of refreshment and hope.
In life, sometimes we go through things that are just a matter of needing to be heard. Knowing someone else knows what you do or do not know and understand.
"You're in a mess, but you want out." That's a common feeling.
But hear this, You are not going to have all the answers for your spouse. You are not going to have the answers to solve the problems that they face.
You aren't going to understand how to rid their mind, body, and spirit of the pain that is inflicted upon them.
But what you can do, is to support them. Love them right where they’re at. To lend them an ear. To truly listen to what they are feeling deep within. There is comfort in being heard. And when we choose to support our spouse when they’re in pain, it’s important to know and understand that sometimes all they need from us is comfort. An assurance that we are standing with them.
It's a shoulder to lean on even if we say nothing.
And ultimately the steps that they’re going to take will give us the opportunity to support them in taking those steps. That doesn’t mean that you're going to take those steps.
And most of the time, God does not want you to take those steps. The healing, the redemption cannot happen unless if the individual, who's in the pain, is willing to do the work themselves. That’s where the transformation occurs. That is love and support.
As much as we want to take away all the pain, which is typical for a woman to do because God created us as nurturers, and we shouldn't be ashamed of that. But that's not our job.
However, it is something that we have to be cautionary about, because our tendency is to fix the problems. We want to fix our children, Right? We want their problems to go away.
We don’t want our spouses to hurt, because when they hurt, we hurt. But it’s not our journey to take.
Sometimes... No, not sometimes, I would actually say all the time that through the hurt and pain, there’s a lesson to be learned. Maybe not one that is expected. But one that is needed. And that lesson can only be learned when we are attentive to the pain.
Support your spouse with unconditional love by listening, praying, and walking beside them.
Be patient as your spouse walks their pain journey.
"Love beyond your own strength."
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Music by Mandisa - Overcomer
http://www.mandisaofficial.com
Song ID: 68209 Song Title: Overcomer Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI) 9t One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.
