1463 Do Your Accusations Come From Your Own Guilt?
- Author
- Kristianne Wargo
- Published
- Mon 11 Nov 2019
- Episode Link
- https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/createyournowarchive6/1463_Do_Your_Accusations_Come_From_Your_Own_Guilt.mp3
When you blame your partner for doing something wrong, do your accusations come from your own guilt?
The guilt that maybe you are the one carrying the shame and don't want to end up being in the wrong.
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So it's easier to blame even if the blame is misplaced.
Now to everyone's defense, most of us do not realize we are doing this. But if we were to break down certain conversations and situations, we would discover that we do it more often; accusing your spouse out of your own guilt.
The key is first acknowledging if you are doing just that.
Part of the stress and mismanagement in our marriage was how my husband saw work and how I viewed it.
He viewed the day starts with a shower and then you are up and moving accordingly. However, my typical day when the children were younger was staying up late to handle the household responsibilities, getting up in the middle of the night, then homeschooling during the day. Usually he came home to more of a mess than the organized home he thought it should be.
Fast forward to today. When he makes a comment about needing something done or him doing it himself, I immediately go back to not being good enough in his eyes.
A playful comment on "How was your day today?", puts me on the defensive if I think he is surmising that I haven't done anything today.
It's my guilt. He is just trying to inquire about my day with no blame. But I take it all the wrong way.
Do you ever find yourself in this position? Defending your own guilt with false accusations.
You might need a little time to wrestle with that question. So assume that you have been in this position, what can one do?
The K.I.S.S. ~ Forgive yourself first to move toward your new goal!Forgiveness is imperative in any relationship, especially the one with yourself. But definitely with your spouse too.
How do you forgive yourself to move toward your new goal?
- Accept the past action/situation for what it was. Don't over exaggerate one way or the other.
- Listen precisely to what your spouse is saying now. Don't put words in his mouth that reflect the past.
- Clarify any miscommunication with follow-up questions. If you are really concerned about his position, ASK!
Move forward knowing you are no longer living in the past.
No past is worth your future. God believes in your marriage. Believe in it too. Bury the hatchet.
"Love is patient. Love is kind. Treat yourself accordingly."
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Read more from Kristianne, a contributor to The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Thrive Global, Addicted2Succes, and She Owns It.
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https://sheownsit.com/when-failure-is-your-middle-name/
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Music by Mandisa - Overcomer
http://www.mandisaofficial.com
Song ID: 68209 Song Title: Overcomer Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI) 9t One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.
