When you know better, but still spiral

You’ve done the work. You’ve read the books, been to therapy, and can name your patterns in your sleep. So why does it still feel like you lose yourself after every argument?

This episode is for the high-achievers, the feelers, the overthinkers who walk away from conflict not just hurt—but ashamed. You knew better. So why did it still happen?

In this episode of Coupled With..., Rachel pulls back the curtain on what really goes on after the fight—the internal shame spiral, the over-analysis, and the story that you’re the problem. Because what’s happening isn’t a failure of insight... it’s a nervous system that’s still on high alert.

We’ll unpack:

• Why awareness doesn’t prevent a shutdown or freak-out
• How your body continues the argument long after your partner walks away
• The difference between the shame spiral and the self-attunement loop
• A three-step practice to interrupt self-blame and restore connection

Whether you’re in a stable relationship but still struggle with your reactivity, or you’re exhausted from replaying the same pattern over and over again—this is your invitation to stop using self-awareness as a weapon and start learning what your body needs to feel safe enough to change.

You're not failing the lesson. You're just meeting it in a different nervous system state.

Break the Cycle 7 day free email course: drrachelorleck.com