The Good, Bad and Ugly of "I'm Sorry"

This conversation covers apologies. True remorse is healing for everyone. However, an apology outside of your truth can be damaging. That damage, unfortunately, happens mainly inside you. It negates the positive self talk from Episode 1. 

Brene Brown LinkedIn Post and Brene's Podcast with Harriett Lerner

Canadian sociologist Maja Jovanovic believes the “sorry”s we sprinkle through our days hurt us. They make us appear smaller and more timid than we really are, and they can undercut our confidence. However, research conducted at Harvard Business School indicates that we make superfluous apologies with the goal of building or maintain trust. Who do we likely not trust then? OURSELVES!

The GOOD:

When it is your truth. Empathetic people. People who value harmony. Those who strive to  include. People who lead with positivity. Think about your personality descriptors from Episode 3, perhaps you're living your truth when you say 'I'm sorry'. 

Some types of apologies can encourage forgiveness, repair relationships and dissolve hostility. But they aren’t easy to come by and require more than just saying “I’m sorry”: the person apologizing must go the extra mile and express genuine remorse or offer to make amends.

The BAD: 

When it is not or even somewhat sincere, the filler words.
To avoid further conflict.

Signs you’re apologizing excessively and maybe creating internal conflict:

You apologize for things you have no control over.
You apologize for someone else's actions.
You apologize for normal, everyday situations.
You apologize to inanimate objects.
You're not sure why you're apologizing.
You apologize for things you don't believe are wrong.
You apologize when asking for something.
You apologize when you're trying to be assertive.
Or they expressly tell you to stop apologizing.         
You find it hard to leave it at "I'm sorry" when an apology is actually necessary.

The UGLY: 

Needless apologies diminish us, it’s like bad self talk because you’re speaking it out over and over.

Instead:

GIVE THE ATTENTION TO WHAT IS RIGHT vs what is wrong. Attitude of Gratitude!

The next time you bump into someone: you could say, Go ahead, After you or Pardon me.

Sorry I’m late - Thank you for waiting. 
I’m sorry I’m so sensitive - thank you for understanding how I process.
I’m sorry that you have to help me so much - thank you for teaching me. 
I’m sorry that I talk too much - thank you for listening to me.
I’m sorry I don’t understand - Could you please say a bit more about that for me? or Can you please help me understand this better, maybe by using an example
I'm sorry for complaining or I'm sorry for venting, say, ‘Thank you for listening, Thank you for being there or Thank you for being my friend. 

Pause Before Apologizing! Make sure what you're about to say is YOUR TRUTH!