Infatuation vs. Love: A Guide for Christian Singles

Picture this: you meet someone new, and suddenly the world feels brighter, every love song on the radio seems written for you, and you’re pretty sure the angels are arranging mood lighting just for your grocery-store run. Is this love? Or are we paddling in the much shallower waters of infatuation? For Christian singles, the difference between the two can make or break your journey toward a God-centered relationship. Let’s break this down—laughs, lessons, and maybe a few “aha” moments included.

Infatuation: The Glitter of the Heart

Infatuation is like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. It’s bright, exciting, and you feel like a kid again—until it fizzles out in your hand, leaving nothing but a wisp of smoke. That’s infatuation: a temporary emotional high based on idealized notions of someone.

Here’s the deal: infatuation often focuses on the surface. Their dazzling smile, the way they quote obscure Bible verses (or just know when to bring you coffee), or that absurdly good hair day they always seem to have. Infatuation thrives on fantasy, filling in the blanks with what you hope this person is, not necessarily who they are. In other words, you’re crushing on potential, not reality.

Love: The Steady Flame

Now, love? Love is the candle that burns steady. It illuminates, warms, and endures even when the room gets drafty. Love sees the person—flaws, quirks, and all—and chooses them anyway. It’s rooted in commitment, not convenience, and looks a lot like 1 Corinthians 13: patient, kind, selfless, and enduring.

Love doesn’t just ask, “How do they make me feel?” but, “How can I serve them and grow with them in God’s design?” It’s less about the butterflies and more about the foundation you’re building together.

How to Tell the Difference

So, how do you figure out if you’re giddy with infatuation or standing on the precipice of true love? Here are some markers to help you navigate the great divide.

1. Timing: The 90-Day Rule

If you’re overwhelmed by your feelings two weeks in, you might want to pump the brakes. Infatuation is often impulsive, racing ahead without a pit stop for reflection. Love, on the other hand, takes time to grow. It’s not just a sprint—it’s a marathon with God as your hydration station.

Quick Tip: Give yourself 90 days before labeling any intense feelings as love. This time lets the initial buzz settle, allowing you to see the person for who they really are, not who you imagined them to be.

2. Focus: Me vs. We

Infatuation asks, “How do they make me feel?” Love wonders, “How can we grow together in Christ?” Infatuation tends to revolve around personal gratification, while love seeks mutual edification. It’s not just about their charm or your heart’s acrobatics; it’s about whether you both inspire each other to be better for the Kingdom.

3. Depth: Surface or Soul?

Ask yourself: what do you actually know about this person? Infatuation clings to superficial qualities—looks, charisma, or how their laugh makes you feel. Love digs deeper. It asks about their values, their walk with Christ, and how they handle life when the going gets tough. Real love is more interested in their soul than their Spotify playlist (even if they do have great taste).

4. Conflict: Handle With Care

Infatuation avoids conflict at all costs, living in a perfect bubble where nothing goes wrong. Love doesn’t fear tough conversations. Love knows that conflict is inevitable, and it’s willing to work through differences with grace and understanding. Infatuation’s answer to disagreement is often to flee; love digs in, saying, “Let’s figure this out together.”

5. God at the Center

Here’s the clincher: is God a part of your relationship, or is this all about you and them? Infatuation often puts the person on a pedestal, creating an idol out of the relationship. Love keeps God in the driver’s seat, seeking His wisdom, guidance,