Single Parents Dating and their Kids

When I taught Parent Education classes, single parents dating would routinely ask this question: “When can I introduce my children to the person I am dating?”

In a previous article, we discussed how difficult it is being a Christian Single Parent. But it doesn’t matter whether the single parents dating are Christian singles or unbelievers, the issues are still the same. All single parents, custodial or non-custodial, need to take special care when broaching the subject of dating with their kids.

Before a single parent even thinks about introducing someone new into their child’s life, they should understand where the child is emotionally during this time. The person seeking to date someone with kids should also consider this

Depending on the different circumstances that each single parent’s kids have gone through, their reaction to the single parent dating may take on one of several forms.



* They may be fearful of losing the single parent. This is especially true in cases where the other parent has died or abandoned the family. The thinking here goes along these lines: “I lost my dad. Is my mom next?”

* They may be overly possessive and jealous of the single parent’s love, not wanting to share mom and/or dad with anyone else. It’s not uncommon under these circumstances for the child (usually a teenager) to act out against the single dating parent and their partner, which can cause major problems for any relationship.

* They may not trust any outsiders. This occurs in cases where the non-custodial single parent or ex-lover may have abused or neglected the child.

* They may secretly be hoping “mommy and daddy” will get back together again, and will act out ways to accomplish this.

* They may be grossed out or upset by their single parent dating mom or dad expressing romantic feelings for someone other than the other parent.



Single parents thinking about dating should take care because their children almost certainly will experience one or more of the above issues. Before a single parent introduces another person, there are several practical steps he or she can take to help the child and their dating relationship at the same time.

The first thing to do if you are a single parent not dating is to not rush into a “rebound relationship” in order to fill the void in your own life. The honest truth is you’re not ready for it, and neither are your children.

Parenting experts suggest at least a one-year’s wait between relationships. Why do they suggest this? How often do we see single parents dating go from one dysfunctional relationship to the next without ever learning from the past? And how about the children who get more confused as they experience loss after loss?

Instead, use this “singleness time” as an opportunity to heal, learn and grow as a single parent. Minister to your children, and let God and His people minister to you. Find a Christian singles group where your heart can find peace and acceptance. God has not forsaken or left you (Hebrews 13:5), and will lead you into a relationship when you are ready. 🙂

Secondly,  single parents dating should keep lines of communication wide open between themselves and their children. Find out what the kids are thinking or fearing and honestly discuss it with them. If they just hate the idea of mom or dad dating, don’t force it on them. Allow them to express themselves, as you practice patience and compassion with your kids. A few sessions with a respected