14 Signs a Narcissist is Playing Mind Games with You

If you’ve been out there long enough, you’ve probably encountered someone who checks all the boxes—charming, confident, smooth-talking… but something just doesn’t add up. Chances are, if you’re dealing with this type of personality, you might have run into a narcissist. Narcissists can be challenging, and, unfortunately, they’re masters of mind games. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back! Let’s dive into 14 classic signs that a narcissist might be trying to manipulate you—and let’s laugh a little along the way.

1. They’re Always the Victim, and You’re Always the Villain

You know the drill: somehow, no matter what happens, they’ve managed to turn every disagreement or hiccup into something that’s your fault. They love the victim role, and they’re really good at convincing you that your well-intentioned comment was actually a “personal attack.”

2. The Compliment-Then-Criticism Game

One minute, they’re telling you that you’re an absolute treasure, a gem sent from heaven. The next minute, they’re telling you that you don’t dress “quite right” or that your laugh is “a bit much.” Narcissists are famous for switching between compliments and criticisms to keep you guessing about where you really stand.

3. Love-Bombing Then Disappearing (a.k.a., “The Houdini”)

You meet, and suddenly, they’re sending you good morning texts, love notes, and talking about your future together. You’re smitten! Then—poof—they’re gone. Vanished like last Sunday’s donut. And just when you’ve finally decided to move on? Here they come again.

4. They Never Actually Apologize

If they do apologize (and that’s a big if), it’s always in a way that somehow doesn’t really admit fault. “I’m sorry you felt that way” or “I’m sorry you took it like that” are classic narcissist apologies. They’re experts at making it sound like your feelings are the problem, not their actions.

5. They Talk About Their Exes… a Lot

If they’re constantly bringing up their exes—especially if it’s to talk about how “crazy” or “dramatic” they were—take note. This is often a way for narcissists to subtly set the expectation that, if things go wrong with you, it will be for similar “crazy” reasons.

6. Everything is a Competition

Ever try to share a personal accomplishment, only to have them one-up you with a story about how they did something similar, only bigger and better? Narcissists have a knack for turning even your smallest triumphs into a competition.

7. Gaslighting: “Did That Really Happen?”

They’ll question your memories and make you doubt what you know to be true. You could swear they said something, but they’ll insist they didn’t, and suddenly, you’re questioning your own sanity. Gaslighting is a favorite tactic in the narcissist’s playbook.

8. They Demand Attention 24/7

Ever feel like you have to be “on” all the time to keep them happy? Narcissists thrive on attention, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll either find a way to demand it from you or seek it elsewhere.

9. Silent Treatment 101

You forgot to text back in five minutes, or maybe you didn’t praise their new hairstyle enough. Cue the silent treatment. Narcissists use silence as a tool to make you feel guilty or anxious, knowing that most people will break the silence first.

10. They Control Conversations Like a Pro

Somehow, every conversation ends up back to them. Even if you start with a story about your job, they’ll find a way to make it about theirs. It’s almost impressive, honestly—a narcissist can turn any topic into a discussion about themselves.

11. They Play the “Push and Pull” Game

One minute they’re showering you with affection, making you feel like you’re the only person in their world. The next, they’re cold and distant,