EP165: A Different Approach to Bullying

I hear stories weekly of how cruel kids can be to one another. A local newspaper just wrote that 10% of teens studied attempted suicide, and on top of that, an emergency room physician once told me that the pediatric ER is filled with suicidal teens. It is sad and it is scary. These past few weeks I have been thinking, maybe our approach to things like bullying has been flawed. Maybe instead of casting blame on the other child's parents or the schools lack of intervention, we can look at improving our own child's resiliency. But first, a story about siblings... I think at some point in our lives, we have all witnessed siblings not being kind to one another. It usually comes in the form of big brother or sister finding something that really annoys their younger sibling. If the afflicted one shows signs of annoyance or frustration, big sibling continues to poke and prod. If the younger sibling shows no change in demeanor, even if their blood is boiling, often times the harassing ends and the older child moves on to something else. In school, if a bully finds something that irks you, and you physically show them how angry, annoyed or upset it makes you, they will not relent. They will continue to aggravate you with whatever nonsense they are spewing until they no longer get the desired result. What I am proposing is that if we can give each child the tools to diffuse hostility, they will learn to rise above whatever is thrown their way. This is done by remaining calm in the face of danger. This is done by breathing through those anxiety riddled moments. This is done when we can teach kids that they aren't helpless, vulnerable and most importantly, that they are not a victim. In the face of Nazi guards and life in concentration camps, Viktor Frankl came to the conclusion that “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” Every one of us has the ability to choose their response to situations. This takes practice, maybe years of it, but if we can teach kids that they are in control of their emotions, this skill can go a very long way in life. Lets be real, nastiness and verbal insults aren't going anywhere. They will always be present. How we respond to them matters.