The Caregiver Deep Dive

S10 E32 The Caregiver Deep Dive

“I think the person who takes a job in order to live - that is to say, for the money - has turned himself into a slave”.----Joseph Campbell

Unless we develop our own inner Caregiver, we will be always dependent on others to nurture and care for the child inside us. If your inner Caregiver is not very effective, it is important to seek out role models in the external world and consciously model your own behaviors on theirs. Doing this awakens a healthy sense of taking care of oneself.

There are five levels of the Caregiver:

1. Shadow - Suffering martyr; devouring mother or father; “guilt-tripping’ or guilt-ridden behavior; enabling behaviors (which aid and abet other people’s addiction, irresponsibility, or narcissism)
2. Call - Responsibilities that require care of others (like parenting) recognition of another’s neediness or dependence (or your own)
3. Spiral One - Conflict between your own needs and those of others; tendency to sacrifice your own needs to what others need or want from you; rescuing
4. Spiral Two - Learning to care for yourself so that caring for others is enriching not maiming; learning “tough love”; empowering – not doing for – others
5. Spiral Three - Generativity; willingness to care and be responsible for people (and perhaps also for animals and the earth) beyond your own immediate family and friends; community building

Imagine that you had infinite resources to share: time, money, wisdom. You do not have to work, so you spend your time wandering through the world helping anyone in need. Imagine the situations you encounter, the help you provide, the gratitude of the recipients of your generosity. Then expand the fantasy so that you also observe limits. Imagine yourself saying no as well if giving would make a Martyr of or if you would be doing for others what they could or should be doing for themselves. Let yourself also imagine others flourishing because you did not rush in to rescue them. Finally, allow yourself to imagine giving to and nurturing yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.