LIVE with The Famous Dr AL and Valerie Sussman

Decoding Narcissism and Finding Freedom with Dr. Valerie Sussman

Introduction

In this episode, Dr. Allen Lycka welcomes Dr. Valerie Sussman, a retired pediatrician, artist, writer, and survivor of narcissistic abuse. Valerie shares her inspiring journey of leaving a 20-year emotionally abusive marriage, trading her stethoscope for a paintbrush, and finding healing through art, writing, and humor.

Key Topics Discussed

Understanding Narcissistic Relationships

• Valerie describes how her journey to recognizing emotional abuse began with what she calls the "Google test for narcissism."
• The "death by 1,000 cuts" nature of narcissistic relationships and their psychological toll.
• The textbook cycle of narcissistic abuse: Love Bombing, Devaluing, Discard, and Hoovering.

The Six Hallmarks of Narcissism

Valerie outlines the "6 Es" that can help identify a narcissist:

1. Exploitation – Using people as tools for personal gain.
2. Envy – Sabotaging others' successes.
3. Lack of Empathy – Faking empathy without genuine feelings.
4. Entitlement – Expecting special treatment and constant attention.
5. Eggshells – Fragile egos that require constant ego-soothing.
6. Emotional Blackmail – Weaponizing insecurities and fears.

Breaking Free and Finding Healing

• Valerie explains "hopeium," the addictive hope that keeps victims in toxic relationships.
• Advice for healing: Reconnect with your core values and passions, embrace creativity, and seek therapy.
• Valerie shares how art and writing played a critical role in her recovery.

Teenagers and Toxic Relationships

• Red flags that your teenager may be in a toxic relationship, including behavioral changes, secrecy, and loss of self-confidence.

Living a Fantastic Life

• Valerie's transformation after leaving her marriage: rediscovering joy, setting boundaries, and aligning her life with her values.
• The importance of recognizing what fills you up versus what depletes you.

Memorable Quotes

• "Trust your gut. If something feels off, there’s probably a reason."
• "Hopeium is dangerous—it keeps us hooked and away from reality."
• "Living a fantastic life means aligning with your purpose and embracing what lights you up."

Resources Mentioned

• Valerie’s upcoming book: Decoding Narcissism: A Survivor’s Guide from A to Z (expected release next year).
• Website: www.valeriesussman.com
• Instagram: @ValerieSussman_creative

Call to Action

• Visit Dr. Allen Lycka’s website: www.drallenlycka.com for more resources.

Closing Thoughts

Dr. Valerie Sussman’s journey of resilience and rediscovery is a testament to the power of self-awareness and creativity in healing. Tune in to learn how to recognize narcissistic traits, rebuild after abuse, and live a fantastic life.

BIO:

Dr. Valerie Sussman is a retired pediatrician, an artist, writer, and a survivor of narcissistic abuse. At fifty, Valerie traded her stethoscope for a paintbrush, leaving a twenty-year emotionally abusive marriage to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Now she’s dedicated to guiding others through their own transformations using art, writing, and a healthy dose of irreverent humor.

Her upcoming book, Decoding Narcissism: A Survivor Guide from A to Z, will be available in 2025. 

Social Media:

Website: Www.valeriesussman.com

Instagram: @valeriesussman_creative

Facebook: Valerie Sussman

Substack: valeriesussman.substack.com